Hump Day Humor: Top 10 Signs Your Pastor is an Arminian

I sure hope this is funny.  This is my attempt at a humorous response to the papers being disseminated throughout Tennessee.  See here for the full story.  One of those papers is a list of things that are Reformed Red Flags.  I find quite a few of them funny because they are not only true of Calvinist but Christians of various theological persuasions.  If you want to find the full humor then make sure you read this alongside my Top 10. 

Again please know, this is not meant to offend.  If anyone is offended (unless you are just being a pansy) I will take it down quickly.  Without further ado here is the Top 10 signs your pastor is an Arminian:

1.  Sometimes his invitation lasts for hours because he knows that someone is still refusing to make that decision for Christ.

2. Use of the Life in the Spirit Study Bible

3. Refusing to add any other statements or confessions to what their church believes.  Insisting that God got it right when He wrote the Baptist Faith and Message.  (Debate still lingers as to what edition was “inspired”).

4. Focused on making sure the church does not attempt to be the “true” church.  He’s not sure yet what this means but he just knows that we should not like Jeff Noblitt.

5. Look for the men they quote in their sermons: Adrian Rogers, Charles Stanley, John Wesley, and Jacobus Arminius.

6. They will call other Arminians to join them on their church staff as they purge their churches and associations of anyone that even smells like a Calvinist, e.g. wears CALVIN Klein cologne.

7. They will methodically employ a strategy of “convincing” members that the doctrines of grace are evil, against evangelism, and follow a man instead of Jesus.

8. Tendency toward a highly illogical and unsystematic theology.  He knows all of the answers except for when He doesn’t.  And then when he doesn’t know the answer he will confront you for putting God in a box. 

9. They love to use the older methods of passing out information.  Like setting up booths at annual meetings or passing around papers to your associations.  Arminians are not predestined to be good bloggers.

10. Tendency to be evasive about their theology during the pastor search process.  He just believes the Bible.  He’s not sure what he means by that, because he refuses to have any sort of systematic theology.  But he teaches the Bible as it is.

Now obviously these are ridiculous.  I know many Arminians that are great theologians.  I know some Arminians that do not like to “give an invitation”.  I know some that have a desire for biblical church discipline.  I know Arminians that use the ESV Study Bible.  I know Arminians that love John Piper and John Wesley.  I know Arminians that are great bloggers, and I know some that are passionate about stamping out Calvinism in their blogs. 

These little letters are just horrible and divisive.  What is sad is that those who pass these out may cause several unaware and uninformed people to go on a quest to stamp out really good, solid, and loving pastors that love Jesus and bleed for their congregation.  Then at the end of the day they will stand up and say, “see Calvinism divides churches”. 

Yes, Calvinists can be jerks.  And yes, Calvinists can divide churches.  But so can Arminians and all those in between. 

American Freedom is NOT Synonymous with Christian Freedom

I do not watch Glenn Beck, nor will I.  I have nothing against the guy; I just choose not to spend my time watching Fox News or CNN.  I keep up with the news but have little need for 24/7 news.  Recently this little gem from Beck came to my attention.  (HT: Christ and Pop Culture)

“I’m begging you, your right to religion and freedom to exercise religion and read all of the passages of the Bible as you want to read them and as your church wants to preach them . . . are going to come under the ropes in the next year. If it lasts that long it will be the next year. I beg you, look for the words ‘social justice’ or ‘economic justice’ on your church Web site. If you find it, run as fast as you can. Social justice and economic justice, they are code words. Now, am I advising people to leave their church? Yes!”

There are three things that I want to address with this quote. 
1. If Beck means that you should leave a church that is more concerned with social and economic justice than with the gospel then I agree.  Partly.  I say partly because a liberal church that has forsaken the gospel but is concerned with “social justice” is not really a church it is a group of people gathered together to create social change.  That is good, that is okay, but it is not what a church is meant to do.  But I also say that I partly agree because the Church does not have the option of making social justice an “either/or”: As in, “either you preach the gospel or you are concerned with social justice”.  Could it be that preaching the gospel entails a concern for social justice; not at the expense of the gospel but because of it.

2. I want to provide a caveat and say that I may be making a wrong connection with what I am about to say.  It is possible that I totally misunderstand Beck and I am making a connection that is really not there.  You decide.

I hear from certain Christian circles a lack of compassion and desire to help those in other nations under the guise of “we need to help our own first”.  (Read this article).  The problem with Beck and many pundits is they think our “right to life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness” is granted to us by the Constitution.  It is the American right, they say.  That is the problem.  The Founding Fathers understood that these rights were given by God to all men.  They were only acknowledging that which is already true.  This is not an American right—this is a Creation right.  Therefore, it is not just the guy living in New Jersey that has this right it is also the guy living in New Zealand.

Call me a flaming liberal if you will but our concern for social and economic justice extends outside the borders of America.  Of course social and economic justice does not mean that everyone has the right to make themselves rich, but that is another topic.

3. Beck is exposed by his very first sentence, “your right to religion and freedom to exercise religion and read all of the passages of the Bible as you want to read them and as your church wants to preach them…”  This is NOT our right.  A rather unfortunate result of the Protestant Reformation is that somehow we got the ridiculous idea that we can “read the passages” and “preach the passages” of Scripture how we “want to”. 
Perhaps governmentally speaking we do have the right and should have the right to exercise our freedom in religion.  But if you transfer that belief to hermeneutics and even the judgment of God you do not have that right.  I do not have the freedom to read the Bible however I please.  Freedom is found in truth and obedience.

Okay I’ve opened up a ton of different topics…I’ll stop there.  If I have even been coherent enough to foster discussion…I would love your responses.

Showing once again why he is a million times more wise than I, Dr. Mohler weighs in. 

Reason #472 Why You Should Love John Newton

He writes amazing stuff like this:  Prayer Answered By Crosses

I asked the LORD that I might grow

In faith, and love, and every grace;

Might more of his salvation know,

And seek, more earnestly, his face.

’Twas he who taught me thus to pray,

And he, I trust, has answered prayer!

But it has been in such a way,

As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that in some favored hour,

At once he’d answer my request;

And by his love’s constraining pow’r,

Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, he made me feel

The hidden evils of my heart;

And let the angry pow’rs of hell

Assault my soul in every part.

Yea more, with his own hand he seemed

Intent to aggravate my woe;

Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,

Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

LORD, why is this, I trembling cried,

Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?

“’Tis in this way, the LORD replied,

I answer prayer for grace and faith.

These inward trials I employ,

From self, and pride, to set thee free;

And break thy schemes of earthly joy,

That thou may’st find thy all in me.”

 

Many of his Olney Hymns still need to be set to music.  I asked Shane and Shane to do it but I’m not sure they’ll respond.  This hymn has been covered by many such as Mahalia Jackson and even Elvis Presley.  However, I like this simple rendition:

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How Would You Counsel These People?

If you have eight minutes go ahead and watch this.  If not just watch the first couple minutes,  you’ll get the idea. 

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(HT: Z)

Here is my question.  Let’s say that you have a friend that went to one of these meetings on Tuesday night.  They come to you on Wednesday telling you all about the movement of the Holy Spirit at this meeting.  What do you say? 

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