The Empty Famish of Letting Go

Mike Leake 4 Comments

I was going through some of my books the other day and came across a book that pretty heavily influenced me when I was first a believer: Brother Lawrence’s Practice in the Presence of God. I thought I’d give it a quick look.

It’s interesting to see some of the things I underlined 8-10 years ago. It’s also interesting to see how much my theology has changed since then. When I first read this book I ate it up. Now I think I vomit it out. Okay, maybe that was a little strong. You’ll have to forgive me. Reading back over this helped me to see where some of my serious frustrations and doubts came from early on in my Christian walk.

What Brother Lawrence means by “practicing God’s presence” is to be in a state of constant conversation and communion with the eternal God.  Which I’d never say is a bad thing.  It’s all of the muck around it that caused me problems.  Take this quote for example:

“I still believe that all spiritual life consists of practicing God’s presence and that anyone who practices it correctly will soon attain spiritual fulfillment.  To accomplish this, it is necessary for the heart to be emptied of everything that would offend God.  He wants to possess our hearts completely.  Before any work can be done in our souls, God must be totally in control.

Where Spiritual Fulfillment is Found

Do you see any “red-flags”? 

First, notice where “spiritual fulfillment” is found.  It’s not in the finished work of Christ.  Spiritual fulfillment, if I read him correctly, is something that is to be attained.  This type of theology breeds a discontentment that always seeks for a “deeper level” and a “deeper experience and fulfillment”.

The New Testament picture is that our fulfillment has been purchased.  We already have it.  The Christian life is about living in what is already purchased.  There is an earth-shattering yet subtle difference between battling to enjoy all that Christ already purchased and battling to attain an opportunity that Christ made possible. 

The Means of Attaining

Second, notice the means for attaining this spiritual fulfillment.  “The heart needs to be emptied of everything that offends God.”  If he is speaking to an unbeliever then I could more quickly embrace this, but he is not.  For Brother Lawrence if we want to see God working in our lives and experience His presence, then God must be totally in control. 

That sounds so good doesn’t it?  It sounds even like something Jesus would say:  “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”  Let God have everything, totally surrender, and then you will see God move in your life. 

Here’s the problem, though, unless God IS working you will not totally surrender–you will not give God everything.  Such a thing is not a precursor to God moving…it IS God moving! 

The Soul-Crushing Effects

Perhaps you could say that I simply misread and misapplied this “Christian classic”.  That could be.  But this book—along with many other similar books—was a negative shaping influence on me. 

For the first couple of years of my Christian walk I was always striving to reach that next level.  I lived frustrated and never able to be satisfied in Jesus.  It practically ran me crazy.  I wanted to be “sold-out” “on fire” all of those other things.  I also wanted other people to be those things.  But I never could attain it.  I never could get myself to “totally surrender”.  The only thing I surrendered was any hope that I’d ever be able to “experience God” how I wanted to.

Then the gospel happened.  Psalm 103 rocked my world.  My eyes opened up and I saw that Christ already had purchased everything.  Of course my battle was still intense.  Now I have to fight to take hold of what Christ has already done.  But, as I think David Platt has said, I fight from victory and not for it.  Huge difference. 

If you’ve been famished by this “let go and let God” stuff, I encourage you to feast on the gospel.

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If this topic peaks your interest a really neat resource that I hope to purchase soon is this book by Andy Naselli.  Or you can check out some of his online resources here.

Go Hard or Go Home

Mike Leake
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Really thinking about these lyrics today.  If I don’t “Go Hard” then I might as well go home.  If I am only going through the motions, if I am only studying for my own benefit, if I am only doing ministry “by the book”, then I need to just pack it up and go home. 

Of course the Lord does use broken vessels that stumble their way through life and ministry.  But I’d much rather be a broken vessel shining out His glory than a broken vessel trying to repair my cracks.  May the Lord increase my satisfaction in Jesus not in clay repair. 

Also keep your eyes open, LeCrae is dropping a new CD on 9/28. 

A Blessing Often Trampled

Mike Leake

“…what is an inexpressible blessing from God for the lonely individual is easily disregarded and trampled under foot by those who receive the gift every day.”   -Bonhoeffer

What “inexpressible blessing” is Bonhoeffer referring to?  The blessing of being able to gather together with other believers.  I must confess—I often am guilty of trampling this blessing “under foot”.  Bonhoeffer continues:

“It is easily forgotten that the community of Christians is a gift of grace from the kingdom of God, a gift that can be taken from us any day—that the time still separating us from the most profound loneliness may be brief indeed.  Therefore, let those who until now have had the privilege of living a Christian life together with other Christians praise God’s grace from the bottom of their hearts.  Let them thank God on their knees and realize: it is grace, nothing but grace, that we are still permitted to live in the community of Christians today.”  p29-30 Works of Bonhoeffer, Vol. 5 Life Together .

It is sad that many—myself included—can be so jaded and disenfranchised with the gathered church that we forsake this grace.  If you could but are not authentically living in a community of believers let this be a rebuke to your complacency.  Also as we reflect on this selection from Bonhoeffer let us pray for those brothers and sisters in lands where no evangelical community is to be found, or their worship must be done in secret. 

Knowing the Creep’s Name

Mike Leake 2 Comments

Driving to class this morning I was rocking out to 100.5 Gen-X (Hopefully, it’s okay that I listen to secular music on my way to seminary).  One of my favorite songs from my teenage years came on, Creep by Radiohead:

When you were here before
Couldn’t look you in the eye
You’re just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You’re so very special

Chorus:

But I ‘m a creep
I ‘m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here

I don’t care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
When I’m not around
You’re so very special
I wish I was special

CHORUS

She’s running out again
She’s running out
She run, run, run run
Run

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You’re so very special
I wish I was special

CHORUS

In the original version of this song the word “very” is replaced by the F-bomb.  This is an angry song about a young man that has a crush on a girl but he really does not feel like he is good enough for her.  At the end of the day he wishes that he was special like her.  “I want you to notice when I’m not around” is perhaps the most telling lyric.  This young man feels insignificant and unnoticed.  He would sacrifice his own identity just to be someone that would be liked. 

This song is the cry of my generation.  At least it is the cry of my own heart.  Growing up I always felt this way.  Maybe it was the necessary result of being a short kid with big ears and glasses.  Maybe it has deeper familial issues at the core.  I feel this song.  Check that, I felt this song. 

Actually my wife and I had a conversation about this last night.  Since my identity is being rocked to the core right now—rewind about 6 months and you will see why—we have these conversations often. 

For most of my life I have had a deep desire to be noticed.  Not necessarily in a “look at me, I’m the center of attention” type of way.  More so in a, “Hi, Mike I’m glad that you exist” type of way.  For years I killed parts of me that were “unacceptable”.  I became whatever people wanted me to be.  “Whatever makes you happy, whatever you want”. 

Thankfully, God is healing me.  Last night I wept after reflecting upon a different song.  It’s a song that has grabbed my attention before.  But last night I realized why it ministers to me so much:

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I hope that this ministers to you.  I pray that the way the Lord is comforting me will be a comfort to you.  It’s my prayer that as the Lord continues to heal my brokenness that he may also use it. 

If you read through this and cannot relate then that’s awesome.  Please allow me to give you a ministry tip.  You don’t heal a “creep” by convincing him you think he’s special.  You heal a “creep” by letting him know that the One who lifts up the sun, hangs the stars, and holds the universe lovingly knows the number of his hairs.  That heals brokenness. 

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