Review of No Ordinary Marriage by Tim Savage

Mike Leake

Marriage books pepper the shelves of every local bookstore.  Type “marriage” into an Amazon book search and you need to sift through over 119,000 titles.  Yet, No Ordinary Marriage is no ordinary marriage book.  Any book that has an endorsement from Kevin J. Vanhoozer and Alice Cooper (yes, that Alice Cooper) is sure to be extra-ordinary. 

Tim Savage, a council member for The Gospel Coalition, believes that the influx of marriage books, seminars, and the like displays that we are “hopeless romantics” that “cling to the notion that marriage can be satisfying” (17).  The good news is that fulfillment in marriage is attainable but in order to have this attainment the marriage must be about the glory of God. 

The main thesis of this book is that husbands and wives are called to “reproduce a likeness of [God] in such a way as to illustrate [His] glory” and that we do that best through cruciform love.  The beginning sections of the book set up and defend his main thesis.  The middle section looks at the husband and wives role in the marriage.  And the book closes with application for sex, church, day to day living, and singles. 

Every section of the book is infused with hope that comes from the gospel.  Such refreshing statements as this are found throughout:

…the God who can turn something as ugly as a crucifixion into something as beautiful as a resurrection can surely provide for the revival of our marriages. (53)

What I Appreciate Most:

Apart from his interesting take on how best to glorify God in marriage (which will be addressed in a moment) two chapters really make this book unique from other marriage books.  Chapter nine on the relationship between the church and marriage is very refreshing.  Savage believes that, “too often we are told that healthy marriages depend on loving communities and too seldom that healthy communities depend on loving marriages.”  Savage advocates a partnership between the local church and marriage that makes the relationship vital to both.  You church needs marriage.  Marriage needs the church. 

The other chapter that I thoroughly appreciated was chapter eleven on singleness.  There were a few times in the beginning stages of the book that I was left wondering what his argument would mean for singles.  I was happy that chapter eleven encouraged and edified single people in a way that other books do not.  I appreciate that while giving some “how to pursue a spouse” advice that Savage is balanced and encourages singles “not to relinquish your singleness too readily.”  (159)  I am not sure how many singles will pick up this book—but it would be found very beneficial. 

I also should mention that I greatly appreciate Savage’s caveat for women with abusive husbands. 

A truly submissive wife, as we have seen, seeks to minister to her husband according to his best interest.  It is never in his best interest to become the object of his abuse.  Instead, biblical submission may require a wife—on certain occasions—to create space between herself and her husband, in other words, to bring his abuse to an end by separating herself from him.  (69)

I am very grateful for that paragraph. 

One Question

I don’t think I necessarily disagree with Savage’s take on how the husband and wife best display the glory of God.  I’m just not certain that I am 100% sold on it yet.  Savage views the wife’s calling as a “proactive subordination”.  Taking his cues from Philippians 2:5, he believes wives are to model Christ in his subordination to Father, and “willingly ‘line up under’ their husbands, view the needs of their husbands as more important than their own, [and] seek to exalt their partners—and in doing so exalt themselves”. 

I’m not denying that husbands and wives are to model a cruciform love for one another and that this displays the glory of God.  But I have read Ephesians 5 as teaching a relationship between Christ and the church.  The wife in this picture is the church and the husband’s model is Christ.  So, I’m left curious when Savage says of Katharine Luther that she was, “called to provide a mirror image of the subordination of God’s Son”.  (70) 

Again, I’m not saying that I necessarily disagree with Savage I just find it interesting and need to think through it a little more.  Perhaps if given the chance to interview the author I will make that a question.

Should You Buy It?

There are a few marriage books that are more practical and more “nuts and bolts”.  I’m thinking here of Paul Tripp’s What Did You Expect or Dave Harvey’s When Sinners Say I Do.  They deal with theology but then spend a good amount of time fleshing that theology out.  So, if you are counseling a couple (or are that couple) that seem to have a pretty solid foundation and belief that marriage is for the glory of God these books might be a little more immediately helpful. 

However, if you are needing to step back and take a big picture look at the purpose of marriage there are few better than Tim Savage’s No Ordinary Marriage.  (Tim Keller’s book on The Meaning of Marriage may be in this category as well).  Even a couple that has been married for fifty years would find benefit from this book.  I know that I, personally, was challenged to model Christ more fully in cruciform love for my wife. 

Savage writes with grace, candor, and passion.  You will not be disappointed in purchasing this book, and you are certain to get some gem to strengthen your marriage. 

Buy it today: No Ordinary Marriage

10 Tips for Destroying Your Children’s Souls

Mike Leake

“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea. (Mark 9:42 ESV)

This was part of the text that I am preaching on Sunday morning—Father’s day.  The above text is actually more about not being the means by which disciples falter, but with it being Father’s day it made me think through even more pointedly how the verse relates to being a daddy.  It goes without saying that I do not desire the destruction of my children.  One because I love them.  Two because a millstone seems like a really uncomfortable necklace—especially for swimming in the sea. 

If you, however, think a millstone necklace would be fashionable attire here are 10 ways that you can work towards making your children stumble and turn away from Jesus.  In no particular order

  1. Be an unrepentant hypocrite.  We all have elements of hypocrisy.  It’s when we are unrepentant in our hypocrisy that it becomes deadly.
  2. Display with your life and lips that things are more precious than Christ.  The thing you pick can be as insignificant as parking spaces or as significant as a large house.  It doesn’t matter.  Set something other than Christ as your affection and you are well on your way to shopping for a new millstone. 
  3. Neglect teaching.  Leave it up to the Sunday school teacher, the television, their peers, or favorite musician and you can start picking out millstone colors. 
  4. Don’t pray for them.  Discipleship is a work of God.  Your own sanctification as well as that of your children demands a prayerful life.
  5. Be silent in times of danger.  You wouldn’t let little Sally have a tea party on a freeway but will you let her give her heart to an unbeliever?  You probably won’t let junior have a pet cobra but do you let him be saturated with the not so subtle advances of our sex-crazed culture?   
  6. Be loud in times of pain.  Read Job’s counselors if you want to know how best to get in line for a millstone around your neck.  Counsel your children with truth wrongly applied and see what happens to their souls. 
  7. Preach moralism instead of the gospel.  Father’s are not only called to teach their children right from wrong they are also called to point them to the Savior.  Teach your kid the rules without a relationship and you’ll be sucking down salt-water instead of air in no time. 
  8. Live in disunity with their mother.  You model Christ.  Abandon your wife, neglect your wife, dishonor your wife, become apathetic toward your wife, and your preaching a really bad gospel to your kids.
  9. Model spiritual independence.  If you don’t need the church then it doesn’t matter how many times you drag little Johnny to it when he’s but a tot.  Once he gets wheels he’s going the way of daddy.  By the way this is a call for more than just showing up at church on Sunday.  The word “need” is italicized for a reason.
  10. Help them establish an identity in anything other than Christ.   Convince them that they are amazing or worthless it doesn’t matter—just make sure their identity isn’t found in Christ.  

There you have it.  Do these 10 things and you’ll secure your reservation in Davey Jones’ locker. 

Actually the word “unrepentant” could be added to any of these.  If you find that you have totally blown it—or even moderately blow it—in these areas take heart, Christ is a great savior.  Repent.  Turn around.  Believe the gospel, and make war on these millstone earning behaviors; because faithful fathers also make war! 

A New Way to Invite People to Church

Mike Leake

While reading Shame Interrupted today, I found this quote by Luther:

Therefore my faithful request and admonition is that you join our company and associate with us, who are real, great, and hard-boiled sinners.  You must by no means make Christ to seem paltry and trifling to us, as though He could be our Helper only when we want to be rid from imaginary, nominal, and childish sins.  No, no!  That would not be good for us.  He must rather be a Savior and Redeemer from real, great, grievous, and damnable transgressions and iniquities, yea, from the very greatest and most shocking sins; to be brief, from all sins added together in a grand total. 

Not only is this a great reminder of what Christ has done it is also a great way to invite people to church.  I often wonder if we would do better in advertising for our church if we were just up front and honest.  Rather than trying to convince people that we have the most awesome and put-together church, maybe it would be better for us to let those not yet in our fellowship to know that we are pretty messed up people.  But—and that’s huge a but—we are those that are banking on and experiencing daily the redemption of Jesus. 

Awhile back I put this little theory into practice and wrote this for our church website’s welcome page:

Are you judgmental hypocrites?
Yes.  But that is not all you will find.  You will find not only judgmental hypocrites but sinners of all stripes.  You will find those struggling with addictions, you will find those wrestling with insecurities, you will find those fighting bitterness and jealousy, you will find broken people just like yourself.  Our goal as a church is to be honest about our brokenness and to find refuge in Jesus alone.  No matter where you are in your journey there is a place for you here.

I’m surprised that I wrote “journey”.  I usually make fun of people who word things that way, but I guess I’m a hypocrite.  Or maybe somebody hacked our site and put that word in there. 

THE Statement and My Solution

Mike Leake 2 Comments

Yesterday, I promised a solution to the entire fiasco over Calvinism in the SBC. 

Here it is… 

One word…

Festivus. 

In case you are unfamiliar with Festivus it is a made-up holiday from Seinfeld* that is celebrated around the time of Christmas.  During Festivus family members sit around a table and “air their grievances”.  According to Frank Costanza, “at the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around, and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year!” 

That may be what the SBC needs. 

At this years family get-together (the SBC Annual Meeting) let’s block out about 4 hours and have our own little Festivus.  We will have the Tradionalists take to the mic and let us Calvinists know exactly what their grievances are.  Is it our theology?  Tell us.  Is it some hybrid form called New Calvinism and the real problem isn’t theology but it’s an attitude?  Tell us. 

During this “Airing of Grievances” Calvinists must remain silent, stroke their beards and listen.  (If any Calvinists is not bearded or any Traditionalist is, then that can be covered during the “airing of grievances”).  No blogging.  No tweeting.  No coughing.  No reading the Institutes.  No putting together a ready defense.  Just listen.

Then the Calvinists get a turn.  Do you feel that a few straw-men have been erected and then torched?  Tell them.  Do you want to discuss what appears to you to be Semi-Pelagian?  Tell them. 

And just as it was for the Calvinists, during this “Airing of Grievances” the Traditionalists must remain silent and use their Libertarian free wills to simply listen.  No blogging.  No tweeting.  No giving of altar calls.  No cutting up the Institutes.  No putting together a ready defense.  Just listen. 

Once we have aired our grievances and we know what we are really dealing with and we know areas that need to be repented of, perhaps we can forge ahead and then decide whether we want to amicably part ways or whether or not we want to use some sort of document (like maybe the BF&M) as our guideline for cooperation. 

Is Festivus the Only Option?

At this point Festivus seems like our only answer…

That is apart from humility, repentance, and a painful gaze at our own soteriological camp.  But I think the airing of grievances may actually be more fun to watch.  Perhaps we could sell tickets and support local missions.  We may need another Festivus to decide how the money should be spent, but it could be wise to schedule these every year from here on out. 

In all seriousness, I do believe that it would be helpful for us to actually agree about what we are disagreeing about.  Perhaps some sort of “Airing of Grievances” would be beneficial.  But until we are in a spot to suspect ourselves more than our soteriological counter-parts I doubt it’d do more than generate blog traffic.  It may be better to save the more pointed critiques for your own camp and leave playing defense up to the Lord.  

That’s my solution.  Do with it what you will, SBC. 

P.S. Those of you that get to attend NOLA can decide whether or not you want to challenge the newly elected President to a “Feats of Strength” in order to adjourn. 

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*By the way “The Statement” would make a great name for this particular Seinfeld episode we seem to be living through in the SBC.

If you like Seinfeld here you go: