So, You Want to “Try Out” Marriage…

Mike Leake

“You don’t buy shoes before you try them on, do you?” 

Well, actually, I typically do.  I know my size.  I know what I like.  If it fits those qualifications, I need shoes, and I have the money for them, then I buy the shoe.  But I get your point.  Shouldn’t you give your “marriage” a trial-run before you tie the knot?  You don’t want to just flippantly enter into marriage, and that’s good, so it’s logical to see how well you are able to do life together before committing to forever. 

I’ve read from a few places that statistically it is no longer true that if you live together before marriage it will end in divorce.  I don’t know.  You can usually make 100% of statistics say what you want them to say.  What I do know is that apart from repentance and a worldview change I do not hold out much hope for a couple that decides to live together before marriage. 

I say that I do not hold out much hope for such a couple because it is obvious that the guiding factor in their relationship is not God’s Word and wisdom but their own words and wisdom.  If you do not listen to God’s Word before your marriage you probably won’t listen to it after your marriage.  That means that Mr. Wonderful won’t have the bearings to sacrifice for Ms. America when she becomes his Mrs. America.  If Ms. America doesn’t submit to a higher authority now what makes Mr. Wonderful think that he’ll be awesome enough to draw out her “submitting as unto the Lord”? 

But where does it say in the Bible that couples cannot live together?

Okay, I confess.  It does not say in the Bible, “thou shall not live together”.  Partially, because such an activity would have ended with an angry father “dealing with” such a brazen suitor to his daughter.  That is one reason you do not see it in the Bible.  It simply was not an option in that culture.  But it is in our culture.

So you are correct that no verse in the Bible explicitly forbids you from living together.  However, Scripture very clearly teaches that any sex outside of marriage is sin.  Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”  No sex before marriage. 

“But we aren’t having sex”, you say.  First of all I celebrate that.  Congratulations.  Secondly, why in the world would you want to tempt yourself like that?  You’re not a eunuch right?  You find this girl sexually attractive don’t you?  What in the world makes you think you can pray yourself out of sinning in this way when it clearly says to flee sexual temptation? 

Furthermore, what did you say your reason for living together was?  “To try it out and see if we are compatible”.  And how exactly do you plan on “trying out marriage” without also “trying out” sex?  You can’t try out marriage without being married anymore than you can try out being a dad without being a dad.  You’re never going to be fully prepared for marriage.  Living together sure as anything won’t prepare you because it’s giving you some of the benefits of marriage without the commitment of marriage. 

Lastly, the Bible also says not to give an appearance of evil.  Anybody with a brain is going to assume that if you are living together that you aren’t just staying up at night playing Super Mario Bros.  They are going to assume that you are having sex.  “That’s their problem” you say?  No, it’s not.  That’s your problem.  If you are making “weaker” brothers and sisters stumble that’s a you problem not a them problem.

If you are sexually attracted to this person there is no biblical way that you can live together without sinning.  You are either giving an appearance of evil.  You are testing the Lord and not fleeing sexual immorality.  Or you are just flat out engaging in sexual immorality. 

Repentance

I’m not encouraging you to merely “stop living together”.  Though that is good counsel and you do need to stop living together, I’m actually hoping for something deeper.  Your worldview needs to change.  That’s why you decided it’d be okay to shack up in the first place.  That’s why when you weighed all the pro’s and con’s you only counted, “God says it’s wrong” as one point on the con side.  And that’s why you were able to even justify that one away. 

You need to know that God makes the rules for marriage.  He created marriage, love, and relationships.  That means He gets to define them.  Not me.  Not you.  We naturally want to rebel from that.  We want to define these things.  We want to tell God what love really is.  Such subtle, yet brazen, rebellion leaves our relationships in shambles and our souls depleted.  Thankfully, God not only tells us what love is—He shows us.  He shows us by doing the hard thing of sacrificing even His own life for our benefit.  That’s love. 

Turn away from pretending that you get to define marriage and believe that God already has.  Trust him to provide a solid and biblical marriage for you.  Believe Him enough that you’ll “buy the shoes” without trying them on because you trust the One that made them.  You don’t need to “try out” marriage you just need to know and trust the One that created it.  Specifically, that He is powerful enough to direct your steps. 

Today in Blogworld 10.03.12

Mike Leake

What Do I Owe to the Person Who Differs From Me

Justin Taylor summarizes a classic article from Roger Nicole.  This is very helpful for pursuing peace in our relationships. 

Is Same-Sex Attraction Sinful?

David, The Thirsty Theologian, tackles a very dicey question in our culture.  How do you think he handles it?  Do you agree with him that attraction is sinful?

The Finest Young Sportswriter in America

I have benefited from the writings of Thomas Lake.  I appreciated learning more about him in this interview with Owen Strachan. 

Pros and Cons of Becoming a Geezer

I’m not sure if I have won the right to laugh at this or not.  But I find it hilarious.  Mark Altrogge looks at the pros and cons of becoming older. 

Wow, brave.  I think I’d run from that lady too:

One Thing That Disturbs Me About Propaganda’s Song “Precious Puritans”

Mike Leake 2 Comments

I have been listening to Propaganda’s new album and also reflecting on the recent online dust-up concerning his song “Precious Puritans”.  If you aren’t hip to the discussion, a little debate has been going on about whether or not Prop went too far in his critique of the Puritans as slave owners. 

First watch the clip:

Now, if you desire to get you caught up (though I’ll warn you it could take a good hour) then you need to check out these articles.  First read these two from Joe Thorn: Precious Puritans Part 1 and Part 2.  Then go read Owen Strachan’s rebuttal.  (Be sure to also read some of the comments on these).  Steve McCoy then responded to Owen’s critique and also offered a solid exposition of the song.  That’s enough to get you caught up though you can also read this reaction from Thabiti Anyabwile as well as this one from Anthony Bradley. 

The Song Initially Disturbs Me

When I first listened to the song it disturbed me.  And I have to be honest and say that at first I think I missed the point.  I thought I got the point that he was baiting us by piling on the Puritans and then kind of throwing in a switch at the end that said “God even uses crooked sticks like me”. 

But it didn’t sit well with me because I felt that he was encouraging us to just totally drop the Puritans by saying, “why would you quote them”.  As I read his explanation of the song on Joe Thorn’s blog I gave a hearty amen to everything he said.  But I still thought that his critique of the Puritans was too sharp and that he used such a broad brush that it totally made his secondary point outshine his primary point—that God uses crooked sticks.  

In my mind the song wasn’t matching up with his interview with Joe Thorn.  Then I read Steve McCoy’s piece and it helped me see it a little more clearly.  Reading Steve’s post helped the lights flick on and helped me see the “angry poet” in the beginning and the turn in the song when Prop says, “step away”.  It helped me really understand what I believe Prop was saying in the song, “God uses crooked sticks.  Don’t dismiss them in anger but don’t swallow them whole either.  They had flaws, and let’s take those flaws seriously.  But lets also remember that they are crooked sticks and lets give glory to God and not blindly follow a group of men.” 

But something about the song still disturbs me…

What still disturbs me about the song is the word “your”.  I know that this is probably part of the art of the whole thing.  But I have to be honest in how the song makes me react.  It makes me feel like I’m not on the same team as Propaganda.  It makes me feel like a dirty white guy that just casually reads the Puritans but doesn’t think about their racism. 

And his indictment is true.  I think he’s right that in some sense I do “not have to consider race”.  If I’m not careful I can be just as blind as the Puritans that I read.  I can think that racism isn’t still present in our society.  I can think that there are not still battles to be fought and hills to be climbed.  If I’m not careful I can theologically decry racism but in practice I can passively live on the wrong side of gospel reconciliation. 

Yet, I’m still disturbed by the “your” Puritans.  Artistically, go ahead and keep it in the song in the beginning.  That’s all part of the “anger”.  It’d rob the song of it’s power if he referred to them as anything different.  But in that last line of the song I wish he’d have said “our” precious puritans.  Because flawed and crooked as they are they belong to Propaganda just as much as they do to me. 

There is not a white history of the church and a separate black history of the church.  Though filled with a horrible history of hate-filled disunity, in the gospel story of cosmic redemption and reconciliation those two “histories” merge into a beautiful tapestry.  The Puritans, in as much as they were bought with the blood of Christ, belong to all of us—crookedness and all. 

Maybe It Should Still Disturb Me

There is one more thing that disturbs me though.  And that is that I wanted to put on a sentence at the end of that last paragraph that said something like this: “Just in the same way as (fill in the blank with African American heroes) belong to all of us—crookedness and all”. 

But that sentence wasn’t present. 

And you know why?  Because in my office I have shelves lined with Puritans.  I even have excellent books, like Piper’s Bloodlines, that combat the heinousness of racism.  But what I don’t have is a shelf filled with African-American saints throughout the history of the church.  It’s not because I don’t want them or that I would reject them.  It’s simply that I’m not exposed to them.  I tend to only be familiar with the crooked sticks that bend the same way that I do. 

But those that aren’t the same kind of crooked as me should be my heroes too.  The Lord uses them as well.  Maybe Prop has a really solid point after all. 

So help me out.  Help me fill a shelf with African-American brothers and sisters that will benefit my soul just like the Puritans do.  Help me find some Christ-exalting men and women that will help me revel in the excellencies of Jesus. 

Review of Gospel Deeps by Jared Wilson

Mike Leake

Gospel Deeps is a risky book. 

I say that it is risky because it is not immediately practical.  There are not 10 steps to “going deep in the gospel”.  There is no immediately practical advice for living out the Christian life. 

Neither does this book make any shockingly new insights; it is not revolutionary in that sense.  The point of the book is not to help you change your church, reconsider your theology, or inspire you with newfound truth. 

All Jared Wilson does in Gospel Deeps is hold up an infinitely precious jewel, the gospel of Jesus Christ, and call us to marvel along with him.  That’s risky.  Honestly, it reminds me of the preaching ministry of John Piper.  It’s taking the gamble that God is beautiful enough to captivate our affections and change every facet of our lives merely by meditating upon and reorienting our hearts around that which we are beholding.  Wilson takes this same wager and it pays off. 

But Aren’t These “Gospel” Books Getting Monotonous?

That question is dealt with, in part, in the book itself.  Wilson rightly says, “The further into the gospel we go, then, the bigger it gets.  There is no way for us to wear it out”.  In one sense it is like an onion.  When you peel off a layer it only reveals a deeper layer.  Therefore, we never exhaust the gospel.  Each time we think we’ve come to grips with the implications of who God is in His gospel we eventually discover that Christ is deeper still. 

What happens, though, if you never peel back the layers of the onion?  What if you only camp out on the ABC’s of the gospel (forgiveness and a ticket to heaven) but never really plumb the depths of the gospel?  Not only will this “hinder our worship”, as Wilson says, but it will inevitably lead us to get bored with what we think is the exhausted gospel. 

That is why this book—and many of the other “gospel” books—are not monotonous.  At least they are not monotonous in as much as they peel back a layer or look at another facet of the gospel diamond.  I imagine that if we kept churning out books that focused on the same facet of the gospel it might begin feeling monotonous.  But I would even say that each facet of the gospel is inexhaustible.  And each facet could be marveled at for all of eternity.  That seems to be what Wilson is doing in this book.  He is holding up a diamond and turning it ever so slowly with each chapter and then drawing us in to worship. 

Summary of Gospel Deeps

The book begins with a defense of plumbing the depths of the gospel.  And then Wilson sets about giving a few examples of what that looks like.  In the first chapter he takes kind of a big picture look at the gospel and how deep and wide are its implications.  In the first chapter he is saying, “see, the gospel is big isn’t it”. 

In the second chapter Wilson takes his cues from 1 Peter 2:9 and probes what he terms the threefold vision of the gospel.  The gospel transforms and gives us a proper view of self.  It also gives us a redemptive view of life and our present and future environment.  But more than either of these two the gospel gives us an epic view of God.  That’s His overarching purpose in redemption—that we might worship God, basking in and proclaiming the excellencies of Christ. 

The third chapter, like the first two, seem foundational.  Here we see that the gospel takes a Trinitarian shape.  Again, we are being drawn in and urged to confess that the gospel is huge.  It is as big as God is. 

After the first three chapters the reader will plumb the depths of various facets of the gospel.  Wilson probes the depths of gospel joy, the atonement, suffering, the omnipresence of Christ, union with Christ, cosmic redemption, and the Cross-centeredness of the gospel.  Though linked together by a common thread, each of these chapters could stand on their own as introduction to a different aspect of the gospel.  Each chapter could comprise an entire library of books.  Yet, Wilson succinctly and passionately draws the reader in to awe at the greatness of our God.

My Take

Personally, I loved the book.  There were some chapters that were absolutely life-shaping.  My favorite chapter by far was the chapter on gospel joy.  It was something that I needed to be reminded of and an aspect of the gospel that I needed to camp out on and just chew for awhile. 

The writing is phenomenal, as to be expected from Jared Wilson.  He uses humor and wit quite well.  He can jab you in the throat with convicting statements and then a few paragraphs later have you laughing about it and reveling in the forgiveness we have in Christ.  He is also very artistic.  At times the more casual reader might be taken aback by some of the loaded sentences.  If you like reading C.S. Lewis you’ll like reading Jared Wilson.  There is enough in this book, though, that even if you trip up over a Narnia reference you’ll still thoroughly enjoy and be shaped by the book. 

Gospel Deeps was a risky book.  But I’m glad that Jared Wilson took the risk.  He’s right.  Jesus is precious enough that you can just reflect on His awesomeness for 200 pages and still want more.  I wish more preachers, myself included, understood this.  Just telling people for 45 minutes how amazing Jesus and His gospel truly are, is abundantly practical. 

You can, and should, buy this book.  It’s only 10 bucks which is phenomenal. 

Get it here.