How Do You Know If You Were Supposed to Marry Your Spouse?

Mike Leake 7 Comments

He looked as if he had accidentally been thrown into the dryer with a load of socks. His clothes were disheveled, his hair was unkempt and his eyes told the story of a man dizzied by life. Then he said it…

“I’m not sure that I’m supposed to be married to my wife”.

As I questioned his statement he gave a well-reasoned defense. He explained that he married his wife against the counsel of his parents, his pastor, and his Christian friends. They all reminded him that God’s Word says we are not to be unequally yoked to unbelievers. He ignored their counsel, went to Las Vegas, and eloped with the woman of his dreams.

His marriage was great for awhile. Then the fights started. Now he is miserable and he knows why. He believes that God has a plan for his life, a plan that is to give him hope and to cause him to prosper; a la Jeremiah 29:11.

Though there has been no infidelity, no abuse, no abandonment he believes that God honors his intention to divorce this woman that is making him miserable. He has prayed about it and believes that God has given him the stamp of approval because he began his marriage in sin—thus leaving God’s plan for his life. He reasons that the only way for him to get back on track is to divorce his wife; he cannot live another moment in sin.

So what do you tell him?

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How do you know if you were supposed to be married to your spouse?

For the sake of full disclosure I need to tell you that I am happily married. I’ve never been in this guys situation. I have yet to be in a spot where I’m looking for a loophole and trying to get God’s approval to end my marriage. I love my wife deeply and if I found a loophole I would board it up.

But I have had to answer this question because of conversations similar to the one above. How do I know that God intended for me to marry my wife? How do I know that she is my “soul-mate” the one that God had planned for me?

My answer is simple. Are you ready for it…

I know that God intended for me to be married to my wife because…I’m married to my wife.

That’s it. No magic 8 ball. No twenty questions to determine if she is right for me. Once I said, “I do”, I forfeited the right to ask that question. Before our wedding- day I could ask questions of whether or not she is the right one for me. But after that day it’s out of the question.

If you are married you are called to love, serve, honor, and cherish your spouse. You don’t get to use God’s mysterious will as an out-clause.

Today in Blogworld 07.12.13

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An Asterisk For Discouragement

Mike Leake

“The saints and people of God have no true reason for their discouragements, whatever their condition be” –William Bridge

I wholeheartedly agree with that William Bridge quote…provided that I get to add an asterisk. And after this asterisk I like to put the words “except for mine”. You see, I agree in principle with what Bridge is saying. It’s really great advice for you and all of the stuff that you are dealing with. But it’s not totally true for me.

You see, I’m unique.

I am entitled to discouragement and sorrow. If you knew some of the things that I have been through you would understand that I am exempt from commands like “rejoice in the Lord always”. Discouragement is the only fitting response to the situations that I find myself in. It would be inhuman for me to not be discouraged.

I’m wondering if you want to claim an exemption too.

You’ve worked your tail off at your present job. You have given this company everything; long hours that you should have spent with your family, holidays working, not to mention the toll it takes on you physically and emotionally. When the possibility for a promotion comes around you are certain that the job will be yours.

It’s not.

You’ve been passed over. Some younger, less qualified, less dedicated guy gets the promotion. So you give up. You aren’t going to work as hard anymore and you send your resume to a rival company. You’re ticked off at God too. You had prayed for this—hardcore sweating and pleading type of praying—but apparently to no avail. You spiral into depression, discouragement, bitterness, and a host of other nasty words.

Do you get an asterisk?

What Discouragement Really Is

According to Bridge, we ought not be discouraged because we “have possession and interest in God Himself”. If you are a believer then you are in union with Jesus Christ. Discouragement is actually saying that God is not enough. It’s not simply a result of fatigue, circumstances, or having a bad frame. Those might be things that make discouragement an easy temptation to succumb to, but they are not the cause of despair; idolatry is.

In reality our discouragement is stupid and faithless. Discouragement is to wail over broken cisterns that we do not need. To have Christ is to have everything that we need.

Stop telling yourself that your suffering is unique and more significant than the redemption of Christ. You and I do not have a license to be discouraged. No matter how deep in the pit you descend, the Lord Jesus has sank further and redeemed it(see here).

Thankfully, Jesus even rescues and redeems those like you and I that have faithless episodes of discouragement. May we live out that redemption and stop pretending like that isn’t better than any other news you’ll receive today.

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That William Bridge quote is from his book A Lifting Up for the Downcast, which is an excellent book that I would recommend to anyone battling depression or discouragement.