Treat Yoself Is Not a Spiritual Discipline

Mike Leake 1 Comment

A few years ago a statement from the NBC sitcom went viral. The conversation went down like this:

Tom Haverford: Once a year, Donna and I spend a day treating ourselves. What do we treat ourselves to?

Donna Meagle: Clothes.

Tom Haverford: Treat yoself.

Donna Meagle: Fragrances.

Tom Haverford: Treat yoself.

Donna Meagle: Massages.

Tom Haverford: Treat yoself.

Donna Meagle: Mimosas.

Tom Haverford: Treat yoself.

Donna Meagle: Fine leather goods.

Tom Haverford: Treat yoself!

Donna Meagle: It’s the best day of the year.

Tom Haverford, Donna Meagle: The best day of the year!

This idea resonates with many. Just look at the advertising. I’m told daily that I deserve greatness. Truth is, I’ve been hearing this message since I was old enough to hear messages.

I was told that I deserved A’s in school. And I got awards just for showing up. My cartoon shows told me that I could be anything that I wanted to be. I deserve success. Whilst pounding down McNuggets in the late 80’s I was reassured by Ronald that “I deserve a break today…” The health clinic down the road tells me that I also deserve to be healthy. I deserve an amazing house and a sweet ride. Thank you world, for recognizing what I’ve known all along! I’m amazing simply because I suck air.

So what happens when ministry gets difficult? What happens when I get exhausted from all the sacrifice? What happens when burn out seems to be on the horizon? For many the answer for burn out is to “treat yoself”. Unplug from the church. Take a break from service and sacrifice. What you really need is a season to focus on yourself.

Somewhere along the way we’ve bought into an idea that the answer for busyness is idleness. Rather than saying “yes” to everything we say “no” to most things. We wrongly think that our burn-out was a result of our focusing too much time and energy on others and so we start to focus on ourselves. We replace our “yes” to others with a “yes” to ourselves.

As an introvert I’m especially prone to this temptation. Sunday’s drain me. They drain me because of the labor of preaching but if I’m being honest I’m also drained because of the labor of people. Don’t get me wrong, I love the people in our church. Being introverted doesn’t mean that I don’t like people—it simply means that rather than getting filled up in social settings I get drained. I get filled up by getting alone and reading or writing or other things.

When I’m drained like this I can be tempted to think that what I really need to do is “treat yoself”. And I hate to admit it but for me “treat yoself” can at times mean disengaging from meaningful thoughts about the Lord. I’m not doing things which are innately godless—but I’ll spend a few too many hours playing a video game or watching a TV series. I justify it by saying that I’m just taking care of myself and not burning out.

But here is what I’m learning. We were never meant to be filled up by godless entertainments or pleasures. “Treat yoself” is not a spiritual discipline. This is not saying that I cannot play video games or even that at times I’m not refreshed by doing these things. But there is a type of disengaging which will only leave us more empty. Focusing on myself is not the answer to burn out. Caring for my body and my health isn’t the same thing as checking out.

If a relationship with God wears you out and furthers your burnout something is wrong. Christ is life-giving not joy-sapping. If I feel like I need to escape from the Lord and just focus on myself for awhile I’m believing a handful of lies about the goodness of God and the place where joy is found.

If you must “treat yoself” the only place you’ll truly find satisfaction is in Christ.

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All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Oh but I just need to finish this one last thing for work!

stressedI should have left work two hours ago. It’s well past time to go home.

It’ll just be a little longer. I’m already way late to get home, what’s another hour or two?

What about dinner with my family? What about my wife and kids? What about time with them? 

There’s always Saturday. Wait.. I might have to work on Saturday too to do this thing.

I’m doing more than is expected. I don’t have to constantly work too much.

I get lots of approving comments and emails though!

And lots of sad faces at home.

Have you ever had conversations with yourself like that? We’re a very busy nation. We run at a clip that affects our work, family, health, and church. We work too hard and too long, and when we’re not at work we continue to think about work. Smartphones are ubiquitous and our faces stay glued to them checking emails. Or, if we finally cleared our emails we keep our face buried in smartphones, tablets, and computers checking social networks and seeking the quick hits of social engagement with people we might know.

All the while our families try to get our attention. Our kids tug at our arms. Our wives and husbands try to engage us in conversation and finally give up in hurt frustration. Finally we go to bed in our own sense of frustration. Another day gone seemingly occupied by work alone. We feel guilty for not engaging with family or doing anything we wanted to do to rest or play.

Yet, we wake up and do it all over again. Books have been written about prioritizing work and getting more done efficiently like Matt Perman’s “What’s Best Next” and Tim Challies “Do More Better.” You can read those to sort out work. I want to deal with home because I have experience with it and fight it myself.

Do you want to stop checking social media at home so much and being more involved with your phone or online things than with your family?

STOP IT. Just stop it. You can whine about it being hard and forgetting and make excuses for why still do it. Speaking from experience, just stop. Turn off notifications on your phone for everything to break the feedback loop. Quit being a rat at the feeding tray pushing the bar for another pellet. Quit blaming everything else for why you’re having trouble other than your misordered desires. If you want to spend more time with your family, then spend more time with your family. It really is that simple.

You only have so much time on this Earth. It might be decades, it might be days. You don’t know. Do you want to be remembered as an absent parent or friend who was glued to their smartphone LOLing at memes and retweeting things or as the friend who was present and actually enjoyed the company of others? Quit living life as an absentee human. There, but not there.

If you want to enjoy the company of others, then do it. Put the phone down. Leave work on time. Go home. Take an interest in your family and friends. Talk to them. Play with your kids. Hold your spouse’s hand as you talk to them and look them in the eye.

You won’t regret it.