Borrowed Light

A Few Observations From My Recent Time in the Pit

January 27, 2017Mike Leake 3 Comments

After a few weeks of pretty deep depression I’m beginning to see the light again. I’m still not totally sure what the source of this latest bout actually was. Likely overworking and overthinking connected with a healthy dose of forgetting to apply the gospel to my own heart were the main culprits. Any time I start focusing on my own righteousness and performance depression is inevitable.

It’s a bit difficult to trace back when I started going off the rails. But I know that last week the clouds began to break a bit. Zephaniah 3:17 and Psalm 103 coupled with some well timed pieces of encouragement helped. A conversation with my wife where she told me that it was okay if I failed brought a great deal of relief. It kind of jolted me back to my senses. (My wife is such a source of joy and help for me. I doubt few will ever realize how amazing she is and how much I need her).

I thought I’d like to share a few random observations from my time in the pit.

Grounding God’s Love In His Character

I have to confess that Sam Storms’ book The Singing God is the type of book I typically roll my eyes at. And that’s to my peril. I know this and so I forced myself to read through this book and really digest God’s love for me. Starting this book came at a providential time for me.

A few paragraphs from that book helped tremendously. Storms begins by encouraging the reader to consider the depth of God’s love for His children. And to make such a thing personal. He writes things like, “So profoundly intimate is God’s devotion to you that He bursts forth in sacred song”. I usually dismiss those sentences. But I was desperate. I wished it was true of me, but at that moment I didn’t figure they were because I felt so worthless and discouraged and like a big failure. Then Storms got me:

But I don’t need to know you. I only need to know God! The issue here isn’t one of who you are or what you’ve done. It’s strictly a matter of the character of God and His determination to love you as revealed in the immeasurable sacrifice that He made on your behalf when He sent His only begotten Son to suffer in your place on the cross. Nothing else matters. (Storms, 9)

The Spirit used these words to draw me to Zephaniah 3:17 and Psalm 103. Places that have been a life line for me time and time again. And again I noticed in Psalm 103 how God’s love for me, His dealings with me, is not fundamentally determined by my performance but by His settled decision to cast unremitting and eternal love upon me. That’ll blew me away. And the clouds started to lift.

The Help of Tapping Out

Last Thursday I was at a tipping point. I had to leave work a bit early and go home and sleep. I just couldn’t take anymore. So I went home, slept for a bit and took my family out for a date night. I posted a note on Facebook asking for prayer and my phone got lit up with so many people encouraging me.

I’ve read before that pastors should be less vulnerable and not share so much of the things going on in their mind and heart. And I agree in part, that we need to be somewhat guarded. We have to be responsible in our sharing. We cannot just vent. But I’ve also got to be a disciple first. And at times I have to tap out. I have to say, “Man down!” And I have to plead with the church to pray for her wounded…like me.

I was amazed at the outpouring of support. So many people were praying for me. I got encouraging notes and phone calls. I was amazed at the care and concern I received just by simply saying, “If you get a chance pray for me, this darkness isn’t wanting to lift.” So many of the fears that I often have about reaching out and being honest about my struggle are mostly unfounded.

Which leads to my last observation…

I’m Glad I’m Not a Woman

Okay, that sounds offensive. Give me a couple more seconds to explain what I mean. I’ve seen ladies on Facebook make similar pleas for prayer. I’ve watched as hurting women have said, “I’m sad, I need prayer” and their Facebook wall looks so much different than mine. Sure, there are notes of encouragement but it is mostly bits and pieces of advice.

It seems to me that if a woman is depressed and makes a “woman down” type of plea that folks assume it must be because she is doing something wrong. Ladies are absolutely brutal to one another. Have you ever spent more than 5 minutes reading Facebook threads or comment streams on mom blogs? They can be so heartless to struggling ladies.

I don’t have much more to say on this point other than to just make the observation. Speaking from a church perspective, I think it’s likely from the overall thrust of so many of the ladies Bible studies that I see. These things are drenched in legalism. Women’s bible studies have the same issues that I pointed out in my rant about children’s ministry curriculum. So it isn’t surprising that when a lady says she is depressed, well meaning people want to help her with a mountain of advice. I just can’t help but say, “ya’ll need to learn to hug one another more and point to Jesus more”.

Perhaps I’ll write more about this later…in the meantime I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Read This! 1/26

January 26, 2017Mike Leake

10 Ridiculously Simple Steps to Writing a Book

The hardest part really is starting and then to keep yourself disciplined to write a bit every day.

Why Update a Beloved Translation?

Tom Schreiner talking about the Bible. That’s all you need to know.

Planned Parenthood’s Most Misleading Statistic

Yeah. I’ve always thought this is a terrible argument for keeping PP.

Lay Aside the Weight of Insecurity

This is so good. I don’t think we realize how dangerous insecurity can be.

Performing a “Time Audit” of Your Life

This is a really helpful exercise.

How to Practice Christian Encouragement

Ever want to encourage someone but just aren’t sure how? This article might help a bit.

The Case For Boredom

I agree.

When You Feel Dead Inside—Part 2

I linked to part 1 awhile back. Here is the second part.

I didn’t watch the inauguration, so I’m just going to assume this is legit:

Pray With Your Spouse 31 Day Challenge

January 25, 2017Mike Leake 2 Comments

A few years ago we launched a 31 day challenge for husbands to be intentional about praying for their wives. Since then we’ve done several other prayer challenges. The last one was in 2015 when we encouraged you to Pray For Your Church. You can check all of these out by going here.

I think it’s time to do a new challenge. I’m really excited about this one. When Nikki and I were first married we prayed together frequently. But rather than growing in this grace I think we’ve declined. I’ll chalk all of that up to my leadership. Truth be told, I think I just need the discipline. Committing to 31 days of intentionally praying together should put us in a good rhythm for continued times of praying together.

As in the past our intention will be to put a FACE on praying:

Focus—I need to know what specifically to pray or I’ll just keep praying the same things over and over again.
Accountability—I need a group of people to keep me accountable and remind me daily to passionately pray.
Challenge—I need to be challenged to go deeper in the way that I pray. A community of other people praying will help shape my prayers.
Encouragement—Sometimes we pray for things and God’s answer is slower than we like. We need encouragement to keep praying.

If you need these things too I want to invite you to join us in prayer. Starting on Monday January 30th we will begin a new 31 day challenge of praying with your spouse. I realize that this particular challenge is a bit more limited in scope. With our prayer challenges I try to shoot for the widest audience possible, but for this particular challenge I think it would be beneficial to pray WITH your spouse. If that doesn’t fit your present life situation I’d encourage you to join some of our other challenges.

Here are steps to take in joining with us:

First, join the 31 Day Pray With Your Spouse Facebook group. It is a closed group so you’ll have to ask for an invite. If you have any problems email me ( mleake792 [at] students [dot] sbts [dot] edu).

Secondly, get the word out. Retweet this post, like it on Facebook, do whatever you can to involve more and more people. Friends, we need a community like this to put a FACE on our prayers.

You do not have to be on Facebook to participate in this challenge. You can simply check back to http://mikeleake.net every morning and join in the challenge.

How Will it Work?

Every day we will post a particular focus for our prayers along with a sample prayer. You can comment with your own prayers, etc. Also you will be challenged to “like” that status if you prayed with your spouse that day, as a means of accountability. I also would love to share testimonies of what the Lord does through your prayers with your spouse.

Will you join us?