One wouldn’t think that listening to a guy screaming only semi-intelligible words would strengthen your faith, but it can. I’ll confess that my first exposure to Christian metal didn’t lend itself to melting my face, more of being contorted with a grimace and confusion. I love hard rock as much as the next guy, but I didn’t understand the appeal of guys screaming at me. But I kept listening because I loved a group of former students who happened to be pursuing this genre as a potential career. I loved them. And they rocked. (Yes, I’m talking about you Inlow).
Then I started listening to Underoath. And then my exposure to Christian metal grew to include many other bands. Before long, I was understanding the words more. And before I knew it I was a fan of Christian metal. Rather than just noise and a guy screaming at me I began to understand the benefit of this genre for my soul. Maybe that’s an overstatement. But I learned the angst and desperation of metal was a great platform for expressing a battle for holiness. And it was fun to rock out to.
I was sad to learn last week that Underoath no longer identifies as a Christian band. Well, that part wasn’t really breaking news. Really the part that I was heartbroken by was the fact that Spencer Chamberlain no longer considers himself a Christian. And it breaks my heart because I get it. I can’t say I disagree with his concerns. I don’t have a drug addiction. I haven’t been on tour and sold out auditoriums. But as a pastor I can totally identify with this statement:
It was so much pressure and everything you did — no pun intended — you were crucified for. You couldn’t do anything without someone being angry. People don’t realize how much that weighs on you.
Christians can be brutal to one another. Not that non-Christians cannot be just as brutal—and even more so. I’ve had a few articles I’ve written get picked up in secular quarters, and when they disagree with you it gets ugly. They don’t pull any punches. But it doesn’t hurt as bad. What really hurts is when you’re in a room full of professing believers, trying to live out the faith as Jesus calls you to do, and you get dog piled. It weighs on you when Christians rage on you about insignificant things. When this happens over and over again by those who claim to be followers of Jesus it does something to your faith.
And when you try to talk about it, you get torched even more. Again, what Chamberlain is saying here isn’t totally out in left-field. It’s legit:
My drug problem was very public and all of the Christian community hated me. I was struggling and all I was getting was hate, like, all I’m having is people tell me how _______ I am all the time. That’s not love, that’s not comfortable. The most alone and isolated I’ve ever been in my life is when I considered myself a Christian, personally. Because I had real issues going on in my life and no one could talk to me about it. There was no help. There was nothing. It was just hide it, don’t talk about because if you do you’re not Christian and the band can’t go on anymore and that’s such an unrealistic thing.
I think it’s terrible that I’ve felt the necessity to edit out the naughty word. I’m still going to edit the word, because I don’t want to give any unnecessary offense. I also do think we ought to use edifying words. But what’s terrible is that the most disgusting word in that paragraph isn’t the one included skubula. The most anti-Christian statement is the one where Chamberlain says, “The most alone and isolated I’ve ever been in my life is when I considered myself a Christian, personally”. I don’t know Chamberlain’s story. Maybe he is just a bitter man raging against innocent people. But I’ve spent time in oppressive environments that called themselves Christian where I felt deeply alone. Brothers and sisters, this should never be. It’s horrible that a broken man who is claiming to be in Christ would need to feel isolated and alone because he was battling addiction.
Listen, we can theologize this. We can quote 1 John and say Chamberlain likely never had a relationship with Jesus. And this might be so. I know for me those darkest times are the places where I’ve met Christ most fully. Maybe some of the issue was that fame and celebrity and popularity propelled someone into the spotlight who wasn’t ready and it destroyed a faith that wasn’t actually biblical. Maybe. But I don’t know. And it’s not time for me to armchair quarterback or throw stones at Underoath.
It’s time to mourn. It’s time to weep for the fact that a young man facing drug addiction wasn’t met with the gospel but with shame. I’m not saying that he likely didn’t need to hear tough words of love. Who knows, he might have heard gospel but his heart was so turned off to God and focused on self that he took words of love as barbs of hate. That happens. But what if he really was met with the Pharisaical religion that so often masquerades around as Christianity? What if our moralism swallowed up another soul in the name of Jesus?
So here’s what I’d say to Spencer Chamberlain:
I get it. We’re hypocrites. We’re weak. Sometimes we mean well and say the wrong thing. Other times we are so insecure in ourselves and so divorced from drinking in gospel streams that we say and do really dumb things to hurting people. When we ought to be the hands and feet of Jesus we’re instead the pointed finger of the scribes and Pharisees. People should have been there for you. They should have responded better. And that hurts when we don’t.
But that’s why they/we all need Jesus. Yes, it’s true that people will know we are Christians by our love for one another. But it’s not true that the gospel is proven or negated by the faithfulness of Jesus’ followers. Christianity hinges upon whether or not there are bones of a crucified man somewhere in Jerusalem. That’s what we have to reckon with.
You shouldn’t have felt alone when you called yourself a Christian. Other believers should have been there for you. But more than anything I pray that you see that Christ has always been there for you. Even in those moments when Psalm 88 (the darkest psalm) is the one you can proclaim—when darkness is your only friend—know that Christ has gone deeper into the darkness. If anyone knows what its like to be truly alone it’s Jesus. He knows what it’s like to be struck and to watch sheep scatter and turn on him in the moment when he could have most used their companionship. So you weren’t alone even if every professing believer abandoned you and started throwing rocks at you.
Wrestle with the claims of Jesus. Do business there. Not with us, his followers. We blow it. Yes, there are times when we get it. We aren’t all bad. Sometimes you do see the glory of God shining through us. When you do that isn’t our humanity at it’s best, that’s just God’s glory peaking through a jar of clay. When your left alone and when we respond like idiots to hurting people, that’s when you don’t see the glory but the jar of clay. I don’t get why the Lord allows Christians to act like we do. I don’t understand why he doesn’t shut our mouths. My guess is that it’s because in the midst of all our weakness somehow Jesus shines through. I pray that you’ll see Him again.
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