Today’s guest post is written by a friend that I’ve known for a long time. I’m thankful that she was willing to be vulnerable to share her story with all of us. You may notice that her name is not attributed. When asked, she said that she no longer wanted to be defined by her past, and felt that her story could be just as compelling whether named or not. Since these are sensitive topics, I suggested we leave it anonymous. I believe you will still find encouragement from it as I did.
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If you want to read yet another diatribe that’s “pro-gay” or “anti-gay,” then this article isn’t for you. We’ve all had quite enough of those anyway, haven’t we?
I just want to tell a little of my story, with the hope that maybe someone out there will hear me differently than so many of the aforementioned sound bites circulating right now. Warning: You may not like the way my story turns out. You may feel sorry for me, or even be angry with me. You may feel flustered that my story doesn’t fit nicely into a theological box that you would like to keep nice and tidy. You may hate the advice I have to give, but please know that what I share is coming from a place of love and concern. Prayerfully, I’ll even encourage someone out there.
So…here it goes.
I am a Christian, one who believes that what the Bible says about sexuality is of great importance. I’m also someone who was in a same-sex relationship for many years, even as I claimed Christ. For a long time these were the two things that defined me.
There are lots of us out there actually, even in the most conservative of churches. Most often we don’t talk about it, but today I will, because I want you to know that there is a story contrary to the one heard on repeat in the media every day.
It was during college when I met the person who would quickly become my best friend, someone I would eventually consider something more akin to a soul mate. It took a couple of years, but eventually the emotional closeness we shared gave way to a physical intimacy.
To make a long, long story short: I was terrified about what was happening, but I also loved it. As our familiarity and affection toward one another grew, a coldness and distance was developing between God and me. Because of this, I tried many times to fight against it, but was unwilling to cut off the friendship, so I just carried on, the depth of our relationship kept hidden from the outside world, even as we actively pursued ministry together. We lived together for years until the Lord painfully pulled our lives apart.
Oh and friends, did I mention that I LOVED her? It wasn’t a “butterflies in the stomach” kind of love. It was a ‘You are my person” kind of love. The, “Whatever life throws at us, I want it to be with you,” kind of love. And life threw a lot at us. I would have gladly spent every minute of the rest of my days with her. I loved her certainly no less than someone loves their spouse. We had shared 8 years of friendship as well as the same home and the same pets (read: children). We had worked together, gone to school together, eaten all our meals together, traveled the world together, and shared all our deepest thoughts with each other.
So I know what it’s like to truly love someone and be frustrated that if only one of you was a different gender it would all be ok. I know what it’s like to genuinely love Jesus and want to serve Him, and yet, to feel this other undeniable pull; this thing that says, “You’re different.” I get it: the unwanted attraction you sense when you were just minding your own business, or the discouragement you feel when you think that because you’re too butch or too effeminate, no one of the opposite sex would find you attractive even if you wanted them to.
I so desperately wanted it to be ok. I wanted the Bible to say it was ok, so I looked for those who argued that it did. I read articles and books about the Greek being mistranslated and passages being taken out of context, but as much as I wanted them to be the answer, I knew enough about how to read my Bible on its own grounds that I was hard to convince. And even if I could concede on all the other instances where the Scriptures speak on the issue, there was one passage I couldn’t get around no matter how hard I tried: Romans 1.
It haunted me, this passage where Paul, talking about the depravity of all men, uses an illustration of how distorted worship (worshipping created things rather than the Creator) leads to all sorts of sin, but as a vivid picture of that distorted orientation, he uses the one that is most contrary to nature (homosexuality). I wished Paul had left it out, but he hadn’t. God had very clearly spoken.
My hardened heart wasn’t so hard that I couldn’t sense that I was in dangerous territory. His logic proved true—I had been worshipping her instead of God for a long time. It was subtle at first, then overt. Sure, our friendship had started out as one that honored God. Did I mention that we met on a mission trip?—but in the end, it had become the devil’s play thing.
Friends, I wonder where I’d be today if those around me were accepting of the choices we were making. What if my church would have embraced us, even married us? I’m so afraid that many people who are struggling with how to sort these things out in their soul, and who are still sensitive to the Spirit telling them it’s wrong, are going to be pushed into a lifestyle of opposition to God by the very people who claim to love them, even in their churches.
Romans 1 warns them too—“Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things (‘such things’ including homosexual practice and a whole host of other sins) deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.”—Romans 1:32
Beloved brothers and sisters, if this battle rings true for you, I want you to know that I get it, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you have a VERY hard choice to make. I’m sorry because I know it doesn’t feel like a choice at all. I’m sorry because more people may judge you for trusting Christ and repenting than for “accepting your real self.”
I know how much you want it to be ok, but you’ll have to decide some things. Foremost, you’ll need to decide what the authority guiding your life will be. Will the Bible be your authority as it has been for Christians of all ages, or will the shifting winds of culture win the day? If the former, you need to hunker down and genuinely study what the Bible has to say. Read those on both sides of the debate, and pray that God would get you to truth, even if that truth is earth shattering. Jesus is worth the soul-searching anguish that may be awaiting you.
If you land where I did then I understand that following Christ will mean giving up more than you can imagine. Take it from someone who has lied on their bedroom floor for days in a row, weeping, wanting to die, not sure of how to lose the only person they’d taken comfort in for nearly a decade. Only God can get you through a choice like that, but friends, Jesus is worth a broken heart. In fact, He’s the only One who can heal it again.
I also know it’ll be lonely. You may lose your significant other. You may lose all your friends. You may feel that you’ll never be able to have a traditional marriage, and therefore that you’re conceding to a life lacking in intimacy. Listen, I’m in my mid-30s. I doubt that I will ever marry. I’d be lying if I said that that is an easy choice every day, but I can promise you that Jesus is a better husband.
I know the struggle won’t go away overnight. Sure, every now and then you’ll hear a testimony about someone being delivered from a certain thing immediately and forever, but that isn’t most often the way God works. Normally He leaves the thorns, as He did with Paul, to teach us to humbly trust Him. If someone expects you to be ‘fixed’ overnight, ask them (graciously) to think of the sins in their own life and whether they still struggle with them occasionally. This is no different, but I promise that as you trust in Christ, over time, you will see growth in holiness and in purity.
I know that it’s hard, but you’re going to need to be vulnerable with someone. Don’t replicate my fatal error. I was silent for fear of the consequences. Oh but if I had confessed, I could have escaped so much pain. I would have been asked to do hard things, things I couldn’t have imagined doing. The person I confided in may have even said something hurtful, but the risk would have been better than battling alone. Let the community of Christ come around you to help you. If they really understand how much they’ve been forgiven, they will walk with you where you need grace and patience. If they’re accepting of your lifestyle choice instead of encouraging repentance, question whether they have the same authority in their life that you do. Pray for them, but seek the counsel of someone else.
It’s been 7 years since I’ve seen her. I still dream about her all the time, and when I wake up she isn’t here. Truth be told, some days that still really aches. She’s married now with a beautiful daughter, and continues to trust in Christ. Really, I couldn’t ask for more because God didn’t give up on either of us, and I look forward to the holy restoration that heaven will offer us one day.
In days past, when I was in the thick of all this, Satan shouted, but God only whispered.
Even lying beside her in bed I heard Him a couple of times. Near the beginning of our physical relationship, I heard Him say that if I continued down this path, I would lose her.
I did.
Near the end of that season, I felt him say, “If you continue down this path, you show that you’re not Mine.”
It was a long, messy, and confusing time escaping this life that I loved, but I had a distinct impression that I had been pulled back from the precipice by the shepherd’s staff just as I was ready to fall, no leap, off the ledge, and I was grateful, even as I struggled with the heartache of losing her.
There was one other thing I felt God say to me.
“I’ve made you for more.”
Over and over again. This whisper, this impression in my mind that followed me around: “I’ve made you for more.”
It was a call to live the wartime, push-back-the-gates-of-hell lifestyle that God has called His children to. It was a reminder of that incredible command to go to the nations and spread His fame, and it was a slap in the face to my selfish attempts to be happy with so much less than all I could be in Him.
Friends, mind that cliff, and don’t dance so dangerously close to the edge. These are eternal games we’re playing. God’s grace is sufficient for you, as it has been for me. If you choose to follow Him today, it’s sufficient to give you grace to follow Him this next hour, and then the hour after that. It’s sufficient to give you the strength to give up the most important things in your life, because those things aren’t so significant at all. They’re just a shadow of the pleasure that you are meant to find in Him.
So choose today what defines you, your sexuality or your life in Christ.
Don’t feel like you have a choice?
Lies, all lies.
Don’t have strength to leave it all behind?
Good. That’s what Jesus is for, run to Him.
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Photo source: here
Wow, thanks for pointing me to the sufficiency of Jesus!
This is such a damaging point of view. Doesn’t our God, being loving and forgiving, love us the way we are? Yes, God is worth sacrifices but would he, who created us as he wanted us to be, want us to love and accept ourselves the way he made us. I’m not discrediting the author’s struggle and sacrifice. If she felt this is what God called her to do, then fine and good on her for doing what she felt compelled to do. But I know good, God loving Christians who are gay who don’t feel their relationship with God is compromised. Teaching that we are wrong when this is how we are born is damaging to self image. Isn’t hating and rebelling against the way God made us tantamount to hating and rebelling against God? This may be one homosexual Christian’s story, it it is not everyone’s. The passages that strictly forbid homosexuality are bookended by those that forbid wearing clothes made of more than one cloth and bidding women to marry their rapists. Not even the most fundamental extremists would argue that either of those ideas should be practiced. The passages referenced here are interpreted to be condemning homosexuality. It is not strictly written. Anti-homosexuality was a religious construct in its origin. It has become a narrow minded cultural construct. Again, nothing against this woman and her brave struggle. Everyone has different things that connect them to God. If this is hers, I do not illegitimize it. The bible once condemns homosexuality. It constantly promises of Gods love and forgiveness. God loves and forgives all his children. End of story.
God does love us the way we are, but he does not always approve of it. You are not factoring in the existence of sin. Sin has tainted God’s good creation. The impulse towards homosexuality, like many other desires, is the result of our sinful corruption. If we should simply accept who we are, then no parent should ever discipline their child. Yet we know that is absurd, because children need to know that certain natural desires they have are wrong. Just because a person is born a particular way does not mean that it is good in the eyes of God. As Christians, we let the Bible instruct us as to what desires are to be killed and what ones are to be nurtured. You might disagree with that logic but that is the Christian view.
You’re missing my point: the Bible says a lot of things are sinful that our culture deems normal. Eating lobster, mixing cloths, planting more than one type of crop in the same field. It directly mentions homosexuality as wrong once. But slavery? Never condemned. Slavery of Gods chosen people is, but only because they’ve been deemed worthy. My point is that the Bible is full of ‘sins’ that we consider not to be sins and vice versa. My point is that our culture is what condemns homosexuality so harshly, not the bible (at least, not explicitly)
You are making the common mistake of lumping ceremonial commands in with moral precepts. Covenant Theology is too broad a topic to get into here, but all the commands you reference (with the exception of homosexuality) exist purely within the old covenant. The warnings against sexual misconduct, including homosexuality, extend into the new covenant. And God does not want us to be happy more than He wants us to be holy. I’m afraid you’ve fallen victim to a fuzzy version of a false doctrine called Moralistic Therepeutic Diesm, often espoused by such well-meaning crackpots as Joyce Myer and Joel Osteen.
Thank you, John, for making your post about what is written in the Old Testament and in the New Testament. I have found that many people are saying Christians are picking and choosing what parts of the Bible to follow, without understanding what the crucifixion of Christ meant and how it changed the requirements of the Old Testament. I agree that we are to be holy first, even before being happy.
Anon, you’re points are valid. And John makes a partially valid point in regard to separating ceremonial commands with moral precepts, but I do get tired of the church’s excuse to call on “Covenant Theology” and/or Dispensationalism to explain away the horrific things of the old testament. I used to rationalize it all too for 30 years. But I no longer do.
There are many legitimate questions to ask regarding our embracement of that ancient book as our guide for life today. The following questions are not original to me, but they are quite valid:
“How can a god that is described as loving, merciful, righteous, good, perfect, and just — order his people to do unspeakable evil like murdering infants with a sword and letting soldiers rape young girls? And, if the LORD commanded this of his followers, then I ask, when is it OK to murder infants and rape young girls? [Perhaps] when the people are considered “evil” is it justified?”
Can you make a moral judgment against rape or slavery using only scripture?
Would you sacrifice your child if god asked you to?
Is it acceptable to cherry pick the bible and only follow the parts you agree with?
How did animal X get from point Y to point Z after the great flood? (e.g., kangaroos, pandas)
How did carnivorous dinosaurs supposedly eat plants before the biblical fall of man, when their teeth and digestive systems were not equipped to process a vegetarian diet?
Can god tell a lie?
Is observable physical evidence more important and valid than what the bible claims to be true?
Is there any amount of evidence that would change your views?
What physical proof is there that your particular god even exists?
Do you believe hell is a justifiable punishment for a simple lack of belief?
I have studied the bible within my church for 7 years (3 studies per year), as well as other faiths. I am disheartened by those Christians who pick and choose what they want to take from it. Jesus died for our sins, the big and little ones. If he knew us before we were born then why would he make people feel this way towards the same sex? Yes, we have free will, but the information in the bible was written for the people at that time by the people at that time. Even then several parts were eliminated by a later group who decided they didn’t think it belonged in the bible, because it didn’t reconcile with the cultural beliefs at that time. Just because Paul used homosexuality as one of several sins, it was a reflection of the cultural practices. Jesus didn’t write that, Paul did. Jesus never mentioned homosexuality nor condemned it. In my opinion, a lot of what is written in the old testament was negated after Christ’s birth in the new Testament. I would be careful judging others, by the way, that too is a sin. Every one thinks being homosexual is a choice. It is not, you cannot choose who you love. My God wouldn’t want one of his children living without the person they love because of some outdated scripture. It seems to me that the person who wrote this story decided she had to choose between love and God. We all have dry spells and fall away from God at times, not just homosexuals. God is Love and expects us to treat everyone the same. How did that get lost in the translation? My God wouldn’t place such a burden on so many people anyway. Basically what I was trying to say, is that people who interpret the bible need to keep in mind the cultural aspects at that time and who it was written for at the time. Yes, I love the bible and will never discredit the good messages that help us. I have witnessed miracles within my own family and too have heard God’s message to me many times. He asks me to help others, not judge them, or myself. God intercedes
in many ways, it just your choice whether to follow him or not. We all have to give up things to follow him, but to take away this person’s love of her life because it is wrong is not one of them. He may have plans for her, but it doesn’t mean that she has to live without love. That was her choice.
I think you are somewhat confused. Firstly the Bible did outline cremonial laws for the Jews in the Old Testament (aka different fabrics, lobsters etc) however they are different from the moral laws (homosexual activity etc) unfortunately I can not explain it all within this post so I will link a few helpful things I hope you’ll look up:
http://www.thevillagechurch.net/sermon/christian-responsibility-and-mosaic-law/
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PkuTbRxZe8U
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R4jLSSVjTJU
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nPYRXop7aPA
I find it interesting that your agruement sits on how damaging it is for a persons self image to be raised being told their sexual preference is wrong. Firstly, God is not really concerned with peoples self image, yes I just said that, and yes i realize how politically incorrect that statement is, hang in there with me for a second. From the moment I was born I was told ( and biblical so) that I was a sinner, so fallen so desperately wicked that nothing I could do would ever be enough to atone for my sins. That I deserved hell and eternal summation, and God had a just right to pour His wrath on me. Not exactly a self imagine building picture is it? That you must have a good self image is a lie of world. Why? Well here the thing when Christ isn’t your all in all, you have to feel good about yourself, as a quote I love says “if you live off a mans complements, you die from his criticism.” This is why so many people struggle in our world, to have a good ” self image”, end up depressed or sucidial is because it requires the affirmation of man, and man is fickle. The grace of the Gospel is that “we are more fallen than we dare believe, and more loved than we dared hope.” Its spectacular because even though within us “dwells no good thing.” He loves us! He sent His Son to die for us. I don’t have a very good self image, but I’m not constantly plague with insecurity because my greatest.concern is what God says about me and what he desire that I do.
I suppose you could say a God image, rather than a self image. The greatest cure for bad self image is not load of affirmation, but rather taking our eyes off ourselves and placing them on Jesus till He is all we can see.
Finally you said the Bible only condemn homosexuality in one place (at least that you deem clear), that’s a weak agreement and here’s a couple if reasons why. No place in the Bible does God tell me to not run someone over with my car, provided I don’t kill them. But we would all agree that this is wrong, why? Because we know Christ teachings on kindness, and love other as yourself, and be at peace with all men, and let your gentleness be known to all. So while the Bible doesn’t say, Thou shall not run anyone over with your car, its clear that such behaviour violate biblical Christian conduct as outline by our Lord. All thoughout Scripture the only life long covernant relationship marked by physical intimately and sanctioned by God is between one man and one woman in marriage. God sees all things that are to come and its not as if homosexuality was not know in the bible times. Second, once may only be once, but its still clearly written. You may only say once to you children, if you cross the road when the traffic is still moving you will be hit. Does that make it less true? Any less to be followed, than the ninety times you tell him to stop hitting his brother? I believe as I have said before that the old testament moral laws are still applicable today so there is more than one place where God condemns homosexual activity, but even if there wasn’t, this is God’s word, you can’t simply say, its only there once so ill just ignore it. Finally you mentioned slavery and bible stance on it. I want to address this because its often used as an excuse to say look everyone is against slavery now therefore they should feel the same way about homosexual lifestyle. Firstly, I believe there are two ways in which the Jews in the bible were allowed to a quote slaves (if I am incorrect in any of the following someone feel free to correct me, I know I’m not up to scratch concerning slavery on bible.times) one is someone had great debts therefore they and their family had to sell themselves into slavery to repay the debt ( this is referenced in the new testament story of the unforgiving servant) and two if they were captured in battle (I believe, although could be mistaken, these were alway female slaves, as usually God command all the males to be killed). Now I want to say another politically incorrect thing, as a Christian I can’t say slavery is biblically wrong, I do believe its not what God intended, however I will fight firmly against it. Is this a contradiction? I don’t think so, let explain why. The first type of slave I described by Jewish law as required to able to have a chance to pay off their debts and there by free themselves, also its command in Exodus that if you.buy a slaved they shall serve you for six years and in the seven they shall go free without having to pay anything. The second “slave” in the cases were God allowed them to marry the captive women, they had to take that woman as their own wife and care for her to the rest of her life. This was far more than most wives of the day could except let alone a captive female. Most women of those day were raped or turned into extra ” wives” something God clear condemned. So why do I have a problem with slavery today/ why would I never own a slave. Slavery today look extremely different to the Jewish kind. American slavery for example was based on the idea the black skin made you a lesser being, ( a concept you won’t ever find affirmed in the bible) also they had to be slaves all their lives and could treated however their masters desire. Today’s slavery consists of people who are kidnapped ( so no fight in battle where consequences are clear, and no selling oneself into service to pay off a debt) or if it is debt related than the slavers never put them in a position where they can pay it off while working with dignity. Also as a Christian I look at passages such as do unto others and such and can not honestly say I would like to be a slave, even of the Jewish kind, and so it would be sinful of me not to do unto others as I would want done to me. I think a great example is Onesimus. Paul commands him to go back to his master and just says to Philemon, welcome him as if he were me. Undoubtly Paul was an honoured guest, the implication being treat him very well, while the slavery of the day wouldn’t have blinked if he has had Onesimus killed. So I can’t say God forbids slavery, but what I can and do say if that the kind of slavery we have today is not the kind God allowed for in the Scriptures, nor is it governed by he whole Word of God.
The reasons why I stand against homosexual activity/relatioships/so called marriage is the same reasons I stand against people living together, adultery, stealing, murder etc … 1. God is against it. Whether he mentions it one time or a thousand times, His words are clear and every follower is to obey them. 2. It attacks His plan and ways. Marriage and Gods ways for oh sexuality are sacred. His ways are perfect and affirming homosexual relationships attacks marriage, the Word of God and the powerful Gospel picture it portrays. 3. As was to eloquently (and far better than I could) said in this post, we hurt who are trying to fight sin, by the rest of us standing around and encouraging them to accept it.
You seem to think love means through it out truth. God loves therfore He has to except my behaviour and actions. As someone previously pointed out in the illustration of parents and children this is ridiculous. Loving someone means you desire the best for them, you desire what will make them healthy and whole, and that is Jesus Christ and Gods word. Does it hurt to be obedient? Yes sometimes. Its clear that this sweet lady is hurting and I hope this post prompts us all to pray that she would know the overwhelming love of God in the midst of her struggle. By as she pointed out Jesus is worth EVERYTHING! You can’t cherry pick sin, and those you consider wrong and those you don’t, because when you do God is no longer God, you and I become God, declaring what is right and good.
You said the individual in this post view was damaging, I believe your view is damaging and unbiblical, I would encourage you to reexamine your beliefs as it is a fearful thing to affirm the practices of what God calls evil (Romans 1). So I will take the advise this sweet and wise sister in the Lord offers, I pray for you and seek and encourage others to seek different counsel.
Anon. you forgot free will and it is not scientifically proven that people are born that way. there is no proof of a homosexual gene. I remember when my sister told me that her daughter was gay. I cried. She said I knew you would be judgemental! I said, I am not judging her. I am crying because I believe she has chosen a very hard road and my heart aches for her. What she choses is between her and God and I love her… We all struggle with our sins and walking the narrow road but it is easier with Jesus leading the way and I too have been happier since I let him lead instead of insisting on my selfish wants. you forgot free will. God bless and keep you, and thank you for sharing your story.
Twin studies have pretty much confirmed that homosexuality is genetic, at least in men. I see no reason that the same is not true of women.
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn26572-largest-study-of-gay-brothers-homes-in-on-gay-genes.html
As far as biology is concerned, homosexuality is rooted in genetics, and is not a choice that one makes.
If it were completely genetic, than 100% of identical twins would have the same sexual orientation, and that just isn’t the case. There may be a genetic component, but science is far from explaining exactly what causes homosexuality.
No one chooses to be gay. You choose a religion (or more likely are brainwashed into it as a child). Gays know they are gay as children. In fact, if you take twins who were born gay and separate them at birth and they are raised apart by different families in different places in the world, they will STILL be gay even if they never were together or even raised near each other. This is biological. This has been shown in a lot of studies.
Yes–he loves us just the way we are–and he loves us too much to let us stay just the way we are…
This is such a sad story because this woman gave up the love of her life because of her gullible belief in old myths and her non-acceptance of her homosexuality due to belief in a non-existent sky daddy and an afterlife that is not coming. These people are so pathetic, clinging to old fairytales. She even thinks the non-existent Jesus is her husband and better than a real-life love. Such are the delusions of those trapped in the myths they were brainwashed into as children.
Terri, You obviously have not met Jesus. Trust me, He’s not a myth. The fact is that if you would open yourself to Him He will come to you and then you will know just what the writer was saying. It is worth everything and anything to follow Him; to trust Him and obey Him makes your life so satisfying. Not perfect, but right and nothing trumps that.
So poignantly real… thank you, and Godspeed! 🙂
BTW, I was replying to the main article, not the post by ANON, who doesn’t sound like he/she understood the story this person shared…
I absolutely understand it. I respect it. I just think a lot of people miss the point that we don’t have to be perfect to be loved by God and they condemn homosexuality on earth when we don’t condemn the things in the verses right next to it. It’s picking and choosing based on what our culture has chosen in the past. I absolutely respect this story. I find it poignant and strong. What I don’t respect are Christians who yell and scream about how wrong homosexuality is. It’s not our place to judge based on one explicit verse in a part of the bible most Christians don’t follow anymore and haven’t since before Jesus’ birth.
If you seriously think this is a matter picking and choosing according to our own liking, I suggest that before rejoining the conversation you first catch up on 2000 years’ worth of thinking about the relationship between old and new covenant (starting with Peter’s sheet in Acts 10). In one inadequate sentence: yes, we are set free from the law, but that does not give us licence to disregard God’s will and moral order in creation – rather, it sets us free to obey more deeply (cf. Jesus’ intensification of the law in Matthew 5-7).
By Carl Gallups
It would appear to be indisputable that same-sex marriage and the open celebration of homosexuality is quickly becoming a part of the global cultural agenda – and corresponding to the rise of the activist homosexual agenda is a teaching that is permeating the Christian world: “Since Jesus never mentions homosexuality nor does He specifically condemn it, homosexuality must be legitimate in Jesus’ eyes.”
Let me address these issues from the biblical worldview. As a matter of fact, I include an entire chapter in my new book, “The Magic Man in the Sky: Effectively Defending The Christian Faith,” on the importance and relevance of various worldviews upon cultures and civilizations.
This is a foundationally important issue. For if there is no God or accountability to God, our Creator, as the secular worldview would have us to believe, then homosexual marriage is a completely legitimate issue. Pedophilia and bestiality would not be out of the question either, should the prevailing secular worldview “deem” the lifestyles to be acceptable and the “new norm.” The biblical worldview, however, is grounded in the unchanging tenets of the Word of God. This is where the loudest cultural clash occurs … when two worlds collide.
So, did Jesus condemn, speak of, or even mention homosexuality? The one who espouses this false teaching usually begins by saying that he discounts both the Old Testament and the writings of Paul and adheres only to the four Gospels. In so doing, they think they have found a convenient way to justify the homosexual lifestyle. First, the gyrations one must use to reach this illogical conclusion are astounding and ought to be the first dead giveaway of the falsehood of the proposition. But, secondly, let’s simply examine the question on its face – did Jesus ever say anything in the four Gospels that would condemn the homosexual lifestyle or homosexual marriage?
As it turns out, yes, He did. As a matter of fact, He spoke very clearly and directly about the issue. Let me begin with Matthew 19:4. Here Jesus is answering a question from the Pharisees regarding divorce. However, his answer is very telling concerning the entire issue of sexuality, the purpose of sexuality, marriage and the proper form of marriage. Here are the words of Jesus:
“And He answered and said to them, ‘Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning “made them male and female,” and said, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”?’” (Matthew 19:4)
Here Jesus upholds creation, male and female sexual relationships (in marriage), male and female marriage, procreation as a part of male and female marriage, and the sanctity of male and female marriage and sexual relationships. His answer is a blanket ignoring (thus condemnation as perversion) of anything outside God’s standard for sexuality and marriage. This truth cannot be legitimately explained away.
But, Jesus gets even more direct concerning the issue of homosexuality. In John 5:46-47, Jesus tells his detractors that unless one holds to the writings of Moses (the first five books of the Bible), one cannot fully know or understand truth or Jesus Himself. “For if you believed Moses, you would believe Me; for he wrote about Me. But if you do not believe his writings, how will you believe My words?” (John 5:46-47) Of course, in the first five books of the Bible we read of the days of Noah and Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis) and the blanket condemnation of homosexuality as perversion (Leviticus). Oh well, so much for throwing out the Old Testament to legitimize homosexuality. But wait – Jesus gets even more direct with the matter.
Jesus also spoke of the destruction of the Sodomite (openly celebrating homosexuality) cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. (Luke 17:28-32; Matthew 10:15; 11:24; Mark 6:11.) The presenting sin that brought about the destruction of those cultures was homosexuality. Consider these words found in the book of Jude:
“Even as Sodom and Gomorrah, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire. Likewise also these filthy dreamers defile the flesh, despise dominion, and speak evil of dignities.” (Jude 1:7-8)
Three of the four gospels contain quotes from Jesus about the sinful condition of Sodom and Gomorrah and the destruction that the celebration of the presenting sin of homosexuality wrought upon them. One of those quotes equates the sins of Sodom (homosexuality) to the same type of pervasive perversion of Noah’s day (Luke 17:26-30). So, as it turns out … YES, Jesus did speak rather forthrightly, and often, about the sin of homosexuality and the judgment that it brings upon societies that celebrate it.
But, most important to the issue is the matter of the person of Jesus. Who is He? Well, He claimed to be God with us. The Scriptures claim that He is God with us (Matthew 1:24). Even his enemies knew that Jesus was making this claim (John 10:33). So, if Jesus is “God with us,” then we have to ask, “Does God condemn homosexuality?” The answer is obvious. From Genesis to Revelation, God’s Word, homosexuality is condemned as perversion and a certain sign that God’s judgment is on the way to the culture that openly celebrates it as “normal.”
Now for the good news. Once we understand the correct and contextual biblical position in this matter, we also discover that homosexuality is not the unforgivable sin. There is hope, healing, forgiveness and salvation for anyone caught in the grips of any sinful lifestyle. Jesus extends his love and forgiveness to anyone, the Bible says, if one would repent (turn from) their sin and call upon Jesus Christ as Lord. Just like the woman caught in the act of adultery, you can hear Jesus say, “Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more.”
I can understand the desire for anonymity, but since there is no name or identifying information, the reader cannot be sure this is a real person, rather than a composite by the blogger.
Someone who would still be obsessed with a former partner 7 years since the last meeting likely has a mental health problem that needs to be addressed. The narrative seems incomplete, in that she doesn’t mention anything about her growing up years or any discussion of sexuality issues. That such a short history is followed by a much longer, “sermon,” questions the credibility also.
Chaya,
Some temptations can be life long and not necessarily a sign of “mental illness”. This is a result of the Fall in Gen 3 which all humans have inherited. These temptations do not go away once we become believers in Messiah and neither do they represent a “mental health problem” (rather they represent a problem of human nature).
The author of this piece faced her struggles head on and since rededicating herself to Messiah has been FAITHFUL not to carryout the temptations that come regularly.
We will never be free completely of temptations as long as we are on this body. We can’t control the temptations from coming (and yes, some may be life long) but we CAN control what we DO with the temptation. We can CHOOSE to REJECT the temptation/seductions or give into them. And it seems to me that the author of this article has been FAITHFUL in rejecting the temptations that still linger…by NOT giving into to them with via reality or willful fantasy. (Dreams/temptations that come while we sleep are not willful.)
Kudos to the author!
Countering the above, I don’t think the Christian perspective is so certain. The decalog says nothing against same sex relationships. The didache provides a long listing of sins to avoid, but says nothing about same sex relationships other than pederesty. Not one word in the OT about lesbian sex. The OT text historically used against homosexuality are ambiguous to what they mean. The sins of Sodom and Gomorrah as the Bible itself outlines, were inhospitality.
Sin is destructive behavior to self, friends and family and society. The love story shared above, was not sin.
Thanks to your friend for sharing her amazing story of Christ’s power to transform and empower!
Absolutely incredible story and a well-written article. Thanks to your friend for sharing. What hope there is in Christ!
Thank you for sharing this. One thing that struck me as I read it was that there are probably married people who have fallen in love with another person’s spouse who can relate to it, as well. That love is forbidden just as homosexuality is forbidden. The good news is that Christians will spend ETERNITY with one another. Those loves will be made pure and perfect in that heavenly city we all look for.
You are certainly correct – homosexuals are not the only ones who struggle with loving and wanting to be with someone who they can’t or aren’t permitted to be with. This is an area that every one of us needs to surrender – of course, for some it will be more difficult than for others.
I really can’t believe what your saying comparing homosexuality to loving someone that is already married. It’s not even in the same league. First when you realized that you like your same sex you struggle with it for years thinking if it truly is wrong or if its right. You hope and pray every night that it is right because why would someone hate you or make you this way if it’s wrong. Then if you have enough courage you have to tell your family as if it’s something to be embarrassed and deal with their reaction. Or never tell anyone and never be really true to who you are. Once you are out you have to deal with biggots all your life defining who you are and what you should do with YOUR life. If your a christian your whole relationship with God and your experience with him is judge by the simple fact that you are gay. If you fall in love with someone you would tell them of course like a normal relationship with the consequences of being rejected or embraced as always. It is way more than falling in love with someone who is already taken or married.
Please thank your friend for honesty. I do not struggle with same sex attraction but I do of course struggle with sin. Her honesty about the struggle with sins we love is one we should all heed. Thank you.
Thank you for this beautifully written and vulnerable piece. Back in the late 80s a dear friend of mine shared her struggle with same-sex attraction. Eventually, when she felt the weight of my disagreement with her choice, she walked away from our friendship. Oh, that hurt. Yes, I could have been less awkward and more loving, I am sure, yet it was similar words about a cliff that I used too. I said, “it’s like you’re standing on the cliff. You’re about to jump. What can I do but tell you no, don’t?” It was then that she said she would not be my friend anymore though. That was hard. Now I realize though, that it was probably harder for her.
Her name isn’t attributed. I wonder if she’s fictitious. Seriously folks, church culture doesn’t even allow people to be honest about their past. That’s a huge problem. It limits (even eliminates) the person’s witness. It’s not healthy for anyone involved.
Nathan,
There is more to the anonymity than you know. I assure you this is a real person who I really am friends with. She chose to remain anonymous for reasons you don’t need to know. In the end I’m not a fan of anonymous posts either, but I understand there are reasons for it. On this occasion it is not because of church culture.
I’m quite sure it’s not church culture that prevents her from including her name. There are many people in today’s society who would love to condemn her for her past. That’s between her & God so we don’t need to know her name, God already does and He has accepted her. That’s all we need to know!
Nathan, we all have a past. A church that is truly after Christ’s heart will welcome anyone person with any kind of past and encourage them to use it to witness to and strengthen others.
Anonymity could be to protect the other woman’s name and family as well. She did say the other woman is married with a daughter now. It’s different sharing your testimony in face to face situations rather than online. I have a similar testimony except mine wasn’t same sex attraction but rather secular dating, and fornication, trying to use culture to make me feel better but always knowing what I was doing was so so wrong. Anyone who wants to know the truth can’t escape that Gods word is the standard. Period. I’m forever grateful for God’s mercy and grace, for the shame and guilt I felt. That was God’s way of protecting me, just like when you get too close to a fire you feel burning pain or extremely close to a cliff you feel a tremble of fear. They are warning signs screaming, back up, danger ahead! Doesn’t ‘feel’ good. But very necessary. Guilt and shame are usually those danger signs for the soul/spirit. Which,I might add, is a more precious thing to lose than the physical body. I am so glad the Lord didn’t allow me to sever my conscience, his Grace is sufficient! Now I’m married to a man who loves the Lord and we have two beautiful daughters!
I’m sorry you feel that way. If the culture at your church doesn’t allow for honesty and vulnerability, both about your past and your present, then maybe you need to find a new body to be a part of, or be the precipice of change in your current church. We are all sinners, and those of us saved by grace should not be ashamed of our baggage as it is the testimony of what Christ has saved us from and brought us out of.
From the day I came to know and love the Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth I have never hidden the skeletons in my cupboard and there were plenty. I received many brickbats for that but a few were so grateful that I chose to be honest about all that the Lord had saved me from and all that He is continuing to rescue me from. Believe me He is worth it. So I am sorry there are those of us Christians out there who are being open and honest about their lives and their struggles.
Perhaps if this real story only involved the author, then perhaps yes, identify yourself. But involves so many other persons including her former lover’s daughter. I’m sure many many people know this couple.
But for ppl like you and me who probably don’t have a clue of who she is, it’s really not necessary. …I don’t think I’d reveal the other persons involved either and by identifying herself, she’d be doing just that.
: )
Anonymity is always “Suspect” — not to mention – – that the Bible was written and re-written and re-written- – – BY Human Men – – – – who “claimed” to be “Inspired by God” – – Me thinks our Creator is all too often , sobbing ! Others have also claimed to be “inspired by God” – down through the ages — and have caused Monumental “atrocities” – -not to mention that God inspired ” one man to have many wives” to further God’s Kingdom! God has inspired me to start “Seeking him” alone – and not to follow “Man”!
Brought me to tears. Exactly the way God works and has worked in my own life albeit it for other sins. Wow, just wonderfully written!
Thank you so much for sharing. It helps me understand the struggles and the pain a little better.
I second this! Helps me understand the struggle a bit more. Thank you for this.
Thank you, dear sister, for sharing both the reality of the love of Christ in you and the reality of sin’s struggles. Your testimony is encouraging and hopeful as I think of those I love struggling with some of the same issues. Thank you, too, Mike for sharing this.
I just wanted to say thank you for the fresh perspective. Thank you for telling everyone that you still dream about her.
I was in a similar situation, albeit with a boy. I loved him. The same kind of love and now I haven’t talked to him in over 2 years and it still hurts my heart to this day. I still think about him and sometimes wish he was here. Jesus formed our hearts and he was way more into Him than I was. It was crazy how much my conscience was twisted and manipulated during our time together, thinking its okay, going to church and growing in the Lord and then doing sexual things. It was such and awful, awesome, intimate, sinful, wonderful joyous time.
Anyway. I say all this to tell you you’re not alone, which I know you know. And that there are others out there who sacrificed their significant other for the Lord. I know it hurts it hurts a ton. But we must keep going.
Thank you for your post. You have encouraged me greatly. Thanks.
Thank you for sharing with such vulnerability.
I wish you would include one thing, an important thing that I often sense is missing in stories like these:
“HOW?”
You move from specific details about your life together with your partner to the conviction, pain, and dissonance that comes with these terribly difficult aspects of life. And all these details help draw me in, help me identify with you as a real person, causes me to want to hear what you say.
But then…. then the last quarter of the story is filled with … and forgive me for being direct … the kind of churchy, Christianese language that turns away the people that are struggling. It’s airy and theoretical. People are looking for tactile, flesh-and-bones experience about what it is to wrestle with identity on such a deep level, and move from one stage to the next. But this “wartime” language about how the Gospel-is-bigger and God-is-bigger and grace-is-sufficient actually serves to close that vulnerable window to your soul. Those things might be truths to embrace, but if you don’t show how they work out in the everyday, this post turns into yet another “do better, try harder, be different” guilt trip, albeit couched in gentle language.
So writer, thank you again for the steps of vulnerability you have taken. Thank you for hearing your Father’s voice. If you truly want your story to land on people’s hearts, please keep going. Talk about the tears, the grief, the doubt, the counseling, the unanswered prayers, the reasons why you were drawn to this person and the roots from your past. Talk about the outcomes in steps and stages. Perhaps you omitted these details purposefully… or perhaps your soul is still longing for a measure of freedom & healing, which your outward obedience is failing to procure. Because it’s more about simply making the choice to “obey”… it’s about going into the depths of your soul, with the grace of Christ, staring down the roots, working through them in community with people who have compassion and discernment, and finding the true freedom that the Gospel offers, apart from your works.
Bless you as you continue on the journey, may you help many others hear the Father’s voice.
So true! Thank you for sharing this as it helps me to better process my own struggle of identity. Love your real-ness!
Sean, I completely understand your frustration. Here’s my take on what you’re asking. I came out when I was in my late 20s. I always had same sex attraction for other guys when I was younger. I also had feminine gestures as well. As a cradle Catholic, I grew up with the idea that homosexuality was sinful. In the 80s when the AIDS epidemic started, I also took cues from my society and culture ( I live in the U.S ) that homosexuality was wrong. But by the end of my 20s, as the first half of maturity started to settle in, I decided to venture out and try it. I’d never been with women before and I always tried to live a virtuous pure life. But I’ll be honest, most of the motivation came from fearing eternal damnation.
At the same time, I decided to go back to school, get my degrees and pursue the American dream. I wanted the house, the money, the cars, the trips and a handsome husband at my side. I spent most of my 30s trying to achieve all of these things.
Right before I was about to finish my Masters degree, I met the man of my dreams. Everything was going right – except me. I didn’t know how to love another human being, I didn’t even know what that meant. I had spent most of my teen years secretly yearning for men – in my head – and most of my 20s avoiding it physical relationships. As a Christian, I can read what the bible says about love all I want, but it’s not until I experience it as a human being that I can fully understand it. My love was obsessive; it was territorial; it was fearful. I was too much for the guy and he left. He left me with a broken heart that lasted two years to mend.
Today, at 41, full blown maturity has set in. Love, along with a committed relationship is not easy – gay or straight. I look at all my gay male friends today who are my age and I realize that the lifestyle is a young man’s game. Some guys are still trying to hold on to their youth and act as such. As for me, I’m getting older and more conservative. Not politically conservative but in the choices that I make. I want quiet, rather than loud. I have less energy than I did ten years ago so I have to choose wisely what I want to spend my time on.
As for gay relationships with men, I’ve noticed on a human level that men think with their minds and women with their hearts. When I’m with another man, I get the sense that we’re always trying to outdo one another in a competitive way.
As a mature adult, I’ve embraced that I’m a man who has both male and female tendencies. I’m not ashamed of it anymore like I was when I was younger.
Commitment and marriage require a healthy dose of maturity from both parties. I believe that if a couple decides to get married young, they’re both signing up for the pain that’s involved in order to get to that point. The bible, a belief in God and going to church is not a panacea for a healthy marriage. Having a relationship with God, reading the bible and going to church is what helps you cope and get through the hard times.
My husband and I (we are heterosexuals) have a lot of gay friends, some gay relatives, and gay co-workers and what you describe sounds more like heterosexuals than our gay friends. Heterosexuals tend to be promiscuous, out for sex, and the older ones chase after younger ones. That is just the culture and most of the people behaving this way are heterosexuals. On the other hand, my gay cousin has been in a lifelong love relationship with the same man for 43 years and they were finally able to get legally married when their state legalized gay marriage a few years ago. Another couple we are friends with are a physician with the World Health Organization and his husband who is a veterinarian. They have been together for over 35 years. I was happy for actor Jim Nabors who married his male lifelong love of almost 50 years. Gays are born gay. They know it early on. Like heterosexuals, they are capable of lifelong love. Don’t mistake promiscuity for homosexuality. Heterosexuals are highly promiscuous.
The Apostle Paul and many places in the bible said homosexuality is a sin no questions asked. Should we love the homosexual yes but hate their sin like God and Jesus Christ would do! We Can Pray For Them That Their Eyes Will Be Opened What they Are Doing to Themselves And Others! Them the Lord will speak to their hearts and their souls!
Paul, I heard a quote that I absolutely wish we would take to heart. While yes, we should “love the sinner and hate the sin”….I love the quote that “we should love the sinner and hate our own sin”. I think that would be much more effective in winning others to Christ.
Wow! This is my testimony ( minus the mission trips and now I’m married with kids as well as my bestfriend). Through God’s grace my bestfriend is still in my life. We just hold very distinct boundaries. Her living in another state helps also. But, I’m so grateful to you guys for sharing this. I feel very encouraged and this helped me out into words what I have been wrestling to explain to others.
Typos- “helped me get out into words what I have been wrestling to explain to others.”
Wow!
Thank you so much for sharing this. We all need to understand what others go through, instead of judging. I have gay/lesbian friends and I pray to stay close to them and be ready and useful for when they need guidance, love and acceptance. May God use us all.
Thank you for sharing a deep and personal testimony that needs to be heard. May God fill you with His Spirit so that you continue to live victoriously with peace and joy.
I would encourage a read of another individual heavily involved with Christian Sexual Integrity – Joe Dallas. Here is one piece, but read everything on his blog. http://joedallas.com/blog/index.php/2015/06/01/bruce-jenner-call-me-caitlyn-dear-bruce-i-cant/ Powerful.
Though I have always had sympathy for those struggling with same-sex attraction, this article raises many points that are so pertinent and pinpoints the sin of the church as it sometimes vocally, and sometimes silently, condones sin of any kind. I would love to talk with this woman about the similarities I have found in my attitudes as I deal with the death of my child who may not have been saved. God’s sovereignty and goodness are more important to embrace than whatever my desire happens to be. Dying to self is no longer thought to be essential in the church, but God has always expected it of those who love Him.
thank you
Thank you for this. Even though it is presented anonymously, it took courage. The pain is palpable, but so is the grace of God, and the hope of what is to come.
Lord, give me the heart to be repentant from my idols, toward you. My yearnings are not the same as this author’s, but my sin will kill me just as much.
Repentance is the requirement. Like the author said, who will be your ultimate authority?
Christian, don’t seek to “be right” in this discussion. Seek to see, love, and show off how wonderful and fearful God is.
My heart is aching so for your article and honesty has brought back memories of a relationship I had to end after giving my life to God when I was 23. And that was 40 years ago. *feeble grin* Oh, I don’t long for that relationship anymore, but how well I remember the anguish and heartache. I now have a dear, dear family member who is in a committed gay relationship, about to get married to his partner and my heart is just ravaged. Thank you for your transparency, for not sugar-coating your experience. Please join with me in prayer for my family member. Again, thank you, from my heart.
I’ll pray that your relative has a long and loving marriage. There is nothing to be upset about, Your family member was born gay and unaffected by a silly belief in old myths,
Beautiful! This was such a perfect description of what we’re meant to be in Christ, whether gay or straight. The Christian life is hard and messy, but the rewards are worth it. Please thank your friend for sharing her story.
the narrow gate of the Christ path and self denial is the true path to true joy and fulfillment.
thank you sister for sharing, with His grace we shall never cease to pray for our brothers and sisters in this struggle. Never cease to pray for those in similar situations still needing to know Him.
If we have all these anonymous response comments, we should be able to accept an anonymous article.
Thank you for your honesty and obedience to God. I honor that in you and the faithfulness of our Lord. I can’t imagine the pain you went through. I have struggles as well. Different yet just as real. May God be glorified in us and continue to bless you.
Souls, demons, gods, etc. aren’t real– or rather, the ones you believe in are no more likely to be real than the ones you reject as myth. You need a brain made of living cells to be conscious. If there was any real evidence for consciousness outside of a brain, real scientists would be testing refining and honing that evidence for their own benefit like they do with everything else that is real– x-rays, electricity, magnetism, DNA, etc. Everybody wants to live after they die and wants their loved ones to live one and be conscious!
You are free to believe what you want, but surely you must recognize that you don’t have a better method for getting at the truth than those people with conflicting faiths/myths/superstitions. Are you willing to waste the only life you have on a delusion? Your chance to love and be loved is in this life– where you have a brain made of cells. You cannot experience anything without a living brain.
I was raised by atheist parents. I accepted Jesus 20+ years ago and have raised my children in a Christ-honoring home. Believe me when I tell you, I would much rather live in a home that is filled with Jesus than in a home that isn’t. My life, though sometimes difficult, is filled with peace and joy that I never knew growing up. My mother was a wonderful woman, but she never had the peace that comes from putting your life in God’s hands. My father……threw me away like a piece of trash and now he is old and alone. If I am “delusional” for believing in a make believe person in the sky, well, I’ve lived a better life because of it. And what if the Bible IS right and you are wrong? I wouldn’t want to take that chance.
It sounds like your parents had a problem marriage and you are blaming Atheism for it. My parents were Atheists and my husband and I are Atheists too. My parents had a solid lifelong marriage, My husband and I also have a loving marriage. We are very fulfilled. We have each other as best friends and lovers, we have happy children and a close family, we have his family (world’s best in laws) and mine, we have friends, graduate degrees, great careers, great volunteer work with animal rescue, Down syndrome kids and adults, the homeless, and domestic violence victims. We are fulfilled and good without a imaginary sky daddy. So, what if the Hindus, Muslims, Wiccans, Jains, or Buddhists or even the ancient Greeks are right- do you need to cling to their myths too?
Well said!
Thank you for sharing your story, so many things from it speak to me in what i am going through.
“…a coldness and distance was developing between God and me.” so true to what was happening to me. “I’m sorry because I know it doesn’t feel like a choice at all.” exactly how i feel, things are getting better but i am still suffering the pain from the heartbreak. Some days i don’t know what to do with myself.
I know I’m the only reason I’ve made it this far in life is because god is with me, like you said “Only God can get you through a choice like that, but friends, Jesus is worth a broken heart. In fact, He’s the only One who can heal it again.”
Your story gives me hope and I am so thankful god led me to this page today. I have hope that one day i will feel truly happy again and look back on my past and be glad that i chose Jesus over my same sex relationship.
God bless you.
You were born gay. If you deny it, you will never be happy. There is no Jesus. Don’t waste the only life you have.
Thanks for sharing. I agree with you perspective on the scripts. My question is couldnt it be possible the love and connection as one may have for a friend can be easily distorted. And depending on certain past experience further into a different type of love, lust even as a sexual attraction quite easily?
Sad that ancient myths have such a terrible consequence on the minds of otherwise perfectly normal human beings.
Or, wonderful that timeless truths have had such life-giving effects on in the lives of otherwise sinful human beings.
All depends on your point of view 😉
This could not be better written or a more needed story to be shared. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing a story that many share. I’m just sitting in tears. . . thank you.
I’m glad you’re happy. However, I wish you had read Jesus, and not just Paul (forgetting the fact that Romans 1 says nothing about committed loving homosexual relationships). Most people in homosexual (or heterosexual) relationships aren’t worshipping their significant other- I don’t know why you were, but I’m guessing you still are today.
You mean the Jesus who commissioned Paul to go out and be his witness?
This is a great testimony, but I don’t see how homosexuality plays a part in the issue. Can’t the same issue occur in a heterosexual relationship? Doesn’t Paul say that it is better to be unmarried and commit your life to God? Sure the relationship might have been unhealthy because she put her partner before God, but people do that all the time in married monogamous heterosexual marriages/ relationships. I really can’t see a loving God as putting someone’s genitals above their soul when he chooses our soulmate.
Yeah—according to Paul. Mind you Paul never met Jesus nor spent time with him. He “claims” to have had an encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus but we don’t know that for sure. So I take what Paul has to say with a grain of salt.
>If you want to read yet another diatribe that’s “pro-gay” or “anti-gay,” then this article isn’t for you. We’ve all had quite enough of those anyway, haven’t we?
…she says, and then writes an article about how God is anti-gay.
Nice job lying, you stupid cunt.
No god, whose existence is questionable and irrelevant to ours at best, is worth the certainty of pure, tangible happiness with and goodness towards others in this one and only life we get. You had heaven on earth and I’m sorry you were scared into sacrificing it. I am so very sad for you and crying on my break at work. You do not seem to have really found peace and I hope you can find your own truth again. You are better than this. You deserve better than this pain. I’m not saying you have to be an atheist, but I truly hope you can find some peace, some agreement between your faith and your sexuality that allows you to experience partner love again and religious fulfillment as well.
Bless you, love. I pray that you’ll be free of this fundie baggage someday. It’s not that embracing your identity as a lesbian will make life peachy, but being internally congruent will make you at least a more genuine person. You’ve chosen a sad path. That makes me sad for you. Jesus knows your pain.
Thank you for writing this. As I read it, I felt this also pertains to heterosexuals who put a boyfriend/girlfriend before God as well. I was guilty of that before I was married and I now see the pain it caused me and how that previous relationship was so destructive and how much more destructive it could have been had I stayed in it.
One thing i’m happy about is that our knowledge of human development and sexuality didn’t stop at what was known and believed in the first century A.D.
One thing i’m sad about is that when Peter, Paul, and Mary were duking it out to become the winner in the early church, Paul became the eventual winner. I think I would have supported Mary Magdalene and would llove to see how that church developed. .and i’m pretty sure it was politics and misogyny that decided, not divine directives. After all, Paul often asserts that he is giving his own opinions, speaking by permission not command.
wow, good reading, thoughts to ponder, a real hero, a lover of jesus with a loss and gain. amen and keep on truckin’ in the name of the Lord.
Thank you for sharing such a hard and vulnerable testimony. It’s a beautiful story of surrender and God’s all-sufficient grace. I needed this today, not because I struggle with same-sex attraction, but another sin that tries to define me just the same. I WAS made for more than this, and I appreciate the reminder!
This anonymous person’s story is very sad and an example of religion destroying a marriage. It seems instead of worshiping Jesus — who was adamantly against divorce — the writer is worshiping the writings of Paul and Christian fundamentalism.
What religion would call on someone to leave their marriage? “… Take it from someone who has lied on their bedroom floor for days in a row, weeping, wanting to die, not sure of how to lose the only person they’d taken comfort in for nearly a decade…”
“… it’ll be lonely. You may lose your significant other. You may lose all your friends. You may feel that you’ll never be able to have a traditional marriage, and therefore that you’re conceding to a life lacking in intimacy. Listen, I’m in my mid-30s. I doubt that I will ever marry..
‘..It’s been 7 years since I’ve seen her. I still dream about her all the time, and when I wake up she isn’t here. Truth be told, some days that still really aches. …”
Yikes — this is what you believe God you to do? It seems your vision of God is particularly cruel.
I think you misunderstand the author. She does not think God is cruel but rather saving her from making a life destroying mistake. It hurts up front but in the end brings life. That’s not a cruel God, that’s a loving God.
Jesus himself said that that in the beginning God created them male and female, and that a man should leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they would be one flesh. (Matt 19) Jesus didn’t focus on what sexual behaviors were wrong, but what was intended from creation: lifetime heterosexual monogamy.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful and well-written testimony. Your friend was so courageous in opening up and trusting you with her life changing experience. May the Lord reward her for her faithfulness and obedience to Him. I pray that Jesus will bring many who read this article to the place where His love conquers the power of sin in their lives.
In a lot of ways, it feels like you have written exactly what my story has been like. Thank you for choosing Truth and then boldly declaring and sharing it. This post was incredibly encouraging to me!
I commend the courage it took to tell your story, but I fail to see why such a loving awesome God would want you to suffer so much. It would be one thing if you did something wrong and thereby caused bad consequences to fall upon you. But you did nothing wrong. You were in a monogamous relationship with someone you loved. I just cant see how God would want you to not be with someone you are in love with and now you wont ever be in love again because you feel that your desires for women are wrong. Why would God make people with those desires and then say its wrong? I just don’t get it. Very sad. Also the Bible is very anti women and so was Paul. They were okay with slaves, men being married to multiple women, and treating women like crap but we overlook those rules. Pick and choose.
We are not to judge anyone for we have all fallen short of the glory of God but for me and mine homosexuality is not of God and therefore will not be a part of it
I feel very sad for the author of this piece. She gave up the love of her life and will probably be single and never know physical intimacy again–and she is only in her mid-30’s—all because she thinks God hates homosexuality. Oh and she lied when she said that was neither a pro-gay or anti-gay article. Newsflash! This is a very anti-gay article!
Reading stuff like this makes me very glad I gave up on Christianity. I am now a Buddhist and couldn’t be happier.
Wow, This was powerful and yet so moving! God mid so good to love us through all of our situations!
I spent most of my life believing as a fundamentalist/evangelical. I was raised in a home and culture that taught the God you speak of.
When I was 15, I had my own conversion experience from reading the bible. Like so many, as I grew from childhood to adolescence then to adulthood, I became aware that I am attracted to the same sex. I grew up at a time when homosexuality was considered sickness as well as sin, so there was no affirmation or encouragement to live as I am. It didn’t even occur to me that acceptance was an option. I married a woman, raised a family ‘knowing’ that “Gods grace is sufficient for me.”
There is no way in this short space that I can convey the daily (often hourly) pain, struggle and tears that were my life, spent trying to be faithful to these same ideas/ideals of God. I know, I just lost a whole group of you with that comment. That’s okay, I’m not writing for those who ‘know,’ but for those living on the other side of that margin (believers or not) . The “grace” I believed in neither changed or sustained me. It was not “sufficient.” It was an idea, a hope, that kept me hanging on for most of my life, but it was never realized when it came to my sexuality.
Addressing sexuality, the apostle Paul wrote that it’s better to be single than married. But Paul realized this was not an option for the vast majority of folk, instructing that “…it’s better to marry than burn….” Apparently, grace isn’t “sufficient,” even for heterosexuals, when it comes to sex.
Your story reminds me of a friend of mine. She married an extremely controlling and emotionally abusive man. She told me the Bible says to obey your husband, so she did for seven years…until she had to be checked into a mental institution. No one should ever ruin their lives over the words of a person or a book that claims infallibility, and the people who claim they’ve interpreted the book perfectly.
I can only dream of having the kind of love you threw away. Though for me the relationship would be heterosexual only because I was born heterosexual.
How sad.
I’m sorry your religion has convinced you to end a wonderful and fulfilling relationship where both people were happy, because Jesus. I’m sorry that you’re lonely and convinced you’ll never marry. I’m sorry that you passed on real happiness for happiness in an imaginary afterlife.
Nevertheless, I wish the best for you. I hope you find what you’re looking for. I hope you find another ‘soul mate’. Best wishes.
How sad.
Reading this only reminds me that the Abrahamic religions are nothing but a bane on humanity.
Amen.
My heart aches for you. A loving God would never want you to be so unhappy, to give up true love for vague faith. And if God is not loving, I would not worship him. I could cry from the sadness of this misguided repudiation of love.
Excellent piece. The very same can be said regarding of believers entrapped in opposite sex adulterous relationships.
I think we neglect to realize that when we come to Messiah, there is a cross for each of us to bear. (Matt 16:24). Each of us has a different cross in this life, but it is worth the bearing in order to know intimacy with our Maker.
Be encouraged fellow sojourners…and don’t neglect to help with the “burden bearing” 😉 Gal 6:2
Really really helpful. Tells it how it is! Many many thanks.
Sad and angry such a crock of shit.
I grew up in a Christian family, the daughter of an Apostolic evangelist. I attended private, Christian schools, and sang on the platform at church every Sunday. It wasn’t necessary to misunderstand Romans 1 (which you’re doing, incidentally) to be against same-sex relationships; we practiced a faith that included the moral laws of the Old Testament. I want you to know that I’m not a raging atheist with no understanding of the love of Jesus and the comfort that comes with that certainty of salvation. For most of my life, I was a committed, born-again, speaking-in-tongues Christian.
My heart is broken for you. I am so sorry. I wish that I could say or do something to change your mind, but I know that isn’t how these things work. You see, I’ve spent several years trying desperately to save my father.
My dad’s story starts out like yours: you don’t specify what denomination you fall into, but he was raised in the decidedly non-fundamentalist Church of Christ. In high school my father fell in love with a man. He left the church and started making life plans with the man who is still the love of his life. They had been boyfriends for almost two years when my dad, in a fit of terror, decided he was going to recommit to Jesus. He joined the United Pentecostal Church and within a few years met my mother. They were married for 12 years and had two children. During that time, my dad was preaching at Apostolic churches, working hard, and had a beautiful family. He was also deteriorating into a shell of a human being.
My mother gave up on their marriageand left the church My brother and I often talk about how different our lives would have been if our dad had left the church after our parents’ divorce. He was a good man. We remember him being a good man, and a good dad. Now he’s married again, to a woman, and he’s a
bitter, broken human being.
He chose his life, as we all do. But he made a wrong choice. And the way the human mind works, the bigger the scarifice you make, the harder it is to change your mind. The longer you life your life by a doctrine, the harder it is to start living it by your heart. I wish that I could save you both from yourselves, but that’s not the way life works.
For my part, I left the church in adulthood. My formerly-Catholic wife and I have two adopted children and couldn’t be happier. I let go of the guilt and the shame and chose to live the life I was born to live. I’m not being ripped apart by doctrine that doesn’t match up to reality anymore. I have the fruit of the spirit, without the torment and fear. It feels just like salvation.
A lot of people I think have gone through or are going through this and don’t say anything for fear of whAt people will say or think. People have feelings they feel they have to hide and can’t talk about it! To be honest, a lot of Christians are facing this and it’s only because of their love for Hod that’s greater, their place and relationship with God, and knowing what the Bible says about it that they don’t persuade that lifestyle they love that person so much yes but they Love God more! It’s a hard place to be in too in a way bc those feelings were or are real but at same time that love for God and wanting to be right with him our weighs it al! If given the voice and it not be wrong to be with that one they love so much and not have to worry about going to hell or being wrong with God, they would be with that one they love and spend the rest of their life being happy with them! Some feel they don’t or didn’t have a choice but them again yeah they do! But the voice is one they know they have to make for their soils sake! This woman’s story is Amazing and touching and I for one thank her for sharing!
How sad. Religion causes so much pain.
This article hurts me deeply because i know it is true. If the bible says it is twisted and against nature, then it is… And i wish i didnt know the truth because then i could ignore it, but i do know and have always known and it feels terrible to know that all the innocent and happy homosexuals and supporters are welcoming separation from god
How pathetic that any one would put themselves through this for an imaginary Sky Daddy.
Matthew 7:15-20
“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.”
Luke 6:43-45
“No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”
Galatins 5:22-23
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”
If your doctrine fights against love and peace, it proves itself false by its own standards. The pain it causes you is bad fruit; the happiness you felt when you were with the woman you love was good fruit. Those who demand your loneliness and suffering are false prophets, predicted by their own tomes.
I am so, so sorry that this is the way you feel and what you have been led to. Everyone who has taken you to this point, encouraged you in it, helped make you like this, should be deeply ashamed. You sound horrifyingly miserable, and if you honestly think this is a great, encouraging argument for “running to Jesus”, you are disturbed. I am so sorry for your loneliness, for your sadness, and for what you have lost. I hope you find peace in your own mind someday.
As a fellow Christian (who is heterosexual), and one who believes that homosexuality is biological and not a choice, and hearing how this played out in your life is heartbreaking. I agree with the previous posts notating the distinction between what Paul says and what Jesus says. This is unbelievably sad.
Wow. This is so beautifully refreshing. So encouraging for anyone coming out of any kind of relationship or wrestling with any temptation. Brought me to tears. Thank you xx
Agreed
Great story, thanks to the author for sharing such a personal matter. It was refreshing to read another perspective from the status quo out there.
What is sad to me is how we are so quick to jump on someone else for sharing their own personal journey and opinion. What ever happen to politely agreeing to disagree? Or if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all? It’s interesting how some people respond by trying to convince the author to change her opinion, so they can justify their own personal opinion, and feel comfortable.
She has made it clear she is experience on both sides, and although some days it isn’t easy, has made her decision – and I believe God will honour her dedication to Him.
I hope that one day I can be as brave as the author, who went against the growing majority to honour God by sacrificing her fleshly desires and write about it, while knowing she probably would be judged and in the minority.
My heart hurts for you. It sounds like you are living in denial now. Nothing in this article talks about how you are “healed”- more so, just running away from something you’ve been told to believe is wrong. You obviously hurt and it makes me sad. You mentioned you will probably never marry- is that because you would want to marry a woman, but would have to marry a man? I don’t like that you are living in sadness because you are denying your true self. I hope your life continues to go uphill from here. Thank you for a brave story.
From the author:
I want to thank those of you who have read and commented on my story. I could never have guessed it would have been shared so much! Unsurprisingly, many impassioned opinions have been subsequently posted. No doubt it’s because this topic cuts close to the heart for each of you, as it does for me. For those of you who have been encouraged or challenged, I’m thankful that you were helped. It gives me confidence that what Satan meant for evil, God is using for good. To those of you who feel pity for me, either because of my beliefs or my life choices, I just want to echo with the psalmist that the lines truly have fallen for me in pleasant places (Psalm 16:6). I am not sad to carry this cross or any other. He has been good to me, will sustain me, and withholds no good thing from me. In the coming week, my prayers for each of you will be that God would show you what He has shown me, completely unmerited grace upon grace.
—
From Mike,
At this point I am going to turn off comments. The discussion here has ran its course. The point of the article was for a dear friend to share her story of how Christ is working in her life. This is not the place for us to iron out a debate on homosexuality. Thanks for reading!