I guess I’m awkward. At least that is what I’m told. I have a tendency to say things that most people wouldn’t say and often at very inappropriate moments. Some of it is intentional awkwardness for the sake of humor. At other times I say things without meaning to offend but someone ends up offended.
As someone that is awkward and prone to sticking my foot in my mouth I’m always looking for examples. I look for examples on the front end—those that help me to have a better filter of what not to say. And I look for examples on the back end—those that help me whenever I either didn’t use my filter or something silly got through.
Today, I want to give you an example of what to do whenever you accidentally say something that is racially insensitive. This, my friends, is how to apologize and how to make it right.
The Story
Today will mark the release of a book that I believe will be very helpful to the church. Timothy Paul Jones and Daniel Montgomery believe that arguments about Calvinism’s TULIP have caused us to miss the wonder of grace. To help reorient the discussion they offer us PROOF. It’s a book with deep theological truths but it’s written in such a popular fashion that most anybody could read it and greatly benefit.
And that’s sometimes the problem with writing on a popular level. You make references that are funny in your head, or you say things that mean one thing in your cultural context but quite another when the book has a wider read.
On page 60 of the book Jones and Montgomery refer to Abraham as a “camel-jockey”. I skipped right over it when I read through it. Derek Rishmawy did not. I, like the books authors, was not aware that “camel-jockey” is a racial slur towards Arabs. Rishmawy, rightly, called them on using the phrase.
Jones and Montgomery quickly apologized and took specific actions as a result. It is here that we can learn.
Just because you didn’t mean harm doesn’t mean that it wasn’t hurtful.
The authors confessed that they had no knowledge that the term was offensive. In our every day lives we are often guilty of the same type of thing—we say something that is not intended to do harm but it does. At this point we can dig in our heels and fault the other person for being so sensitive or we can apologize for the offensive remarks. Here is what Jones and Montgomery did:
No matter how unintended it may have been, the hurtfulness inherent in such an epithet runs counter to everything toward which we are working at Sojourn Community Church–to rejoice in the diversity of cultures and languages that God brings together through faith in Jesus Christ.
We can assume that just because we apologized everything is peachy and we have no need for further steps of reconciliation.
When we unintentionally say something offensive we feel none of the weight of our error. We don’t feel the hurt. Jones and Montgomery have no context for feeling hurt by a phrase like camel-jockey. Neither do I—and so I’m tempted to just say, “come on, are we really this sensitive?!?
When we don’t feel the weight of an offense we can be a little quick to say that everything is rectified and wash our hands of the whole incident. I’m thankful that Jones and Montgomery took this a step further:
This morning, we have already taken every necessary step to have this error corrected. The first printing of the book has already shipped, but we have been assured by the editors at Zondervan that this section will be reworded prior to the second printing of the book.
I’m thankful for the example that Jones and Montgomery have set for us. Hopefully you never need to use this post. I’m pretty confident that I will.
Despite the offensive reference the book is excellent and filled with grace. If nothing else this shows us that Jones and Montgomery are captivated by the grace that they proclaim in their book. (Rishmawy would agree).
You can purchase the book here.
Overall, I would agree, however while we should choose our words carefully and avoid causing offense (Rom. 12:18), we must also accept that we cannot always own what others find offensive. In this day, perhaps unlike no other, we have become masters at being offended – the outrageously outraged.